Back on these forums again 3

[PigPen]

Great job Mona! Walking and running together is the perfect mix. Everyday you get a little bit stronger. Every day you move your body. Consistency is far more important than distance and speed at this point. You just need reps. Your body needs to wake up and think, "my job is to move so that's what I'm going to do today."

You do have this. You're a rockstar who's managing SO much, give your body the gift of getting out into the world and moving every day and it will repay you in kind. Everybody starts somewhere - smoker or non smoker, heavy or thin. It matters not. Baby steps still are steps towards your goal.

You really can do this. You've DB'ed before, getting into the shape you want will be a breeze.

Believe in yourself and your body, it's your friend and wants to help you with your goals!

PP

[Gmum]

Mona, I'm so confused. When did OW come back into the picture? Or is it a new OW?

Your toxic R list makes me shriek. I fit some of those. No wonder my H had enough.

Make sure you get proper running shoes. I started out with shoes that were not a good fit for me and my ankles paid the price. A good shoe makes all the difference, in my opinion.

[Mona52]

Thanks PP. I am completely using you to give me accountability
I was very discouraged when I couldnt breath. It feels like I can breath so much better than a year ago, so I figured that is not a problem I would have. But I can work through it.

Change just never seems to go as I plan it to. Why cant something just work like the picture in my head?

I will admit though, your last line "Believe in yourself and your body, it's your friend and wants to help you with your goals."
When I read this I went totally negative. My mind replied
"Mona, why should you believe in yourself. You will never get in shape. No matter how you do things the right way, in the end it won't matter one bit. Nothing will work out for you."

But this is good! Right? Because, if I DO eat right and if I DO run every day, I can prove to that negative part that what I thought is a total lie. This is one of those goals that will definately work if I follow the rules, right?

Not like DB'ing, where you can be perfect and it could all still fall apart.

[Mona52]

Mona, I'm so confused. When did OW come back into the picture? Or is it a new OW?

Your toxic R list makes me shriek. I fit some of those. No wonder my H had enough.

Make sure you get proper running shoes. I started out with shoes that were not a good fit for me and my ankles paid the price. A good shoe makes all the difference, in my opinion.

HI Gmum!

This is a new OW. I found out last week by accident. It looks like she has been in the picture for a while, maybe a year or more? I am 90% OK with the A. Last time I remember torturing myself, is she prettier, better in bed, smarter, richer, blah blah blah.

The plain fact is, it does not matter one bit what or who she is. She is not me, and she never will be.

I still feel the bite of humiliation, but I am not devastated by betrayal. I can easily deal with humiliation, he|| I'm practically a pro.

That toxic list was from a post by job on Detachment. I just picked out the ones I feel I need to work on, there are many more that I bet you are not, so it is all good. No one is perfect

I bought a pair of Champions. They have this memory foam stuff on the inside, so I think they are good. My feet and ankles did not hurt last night. But maybe I did not run enough for that yet.

[Butterc]

The plain fact is, it does not matter one bit what or who she is. She is not me, and she never will be.

I LOVE THIS. Thanks, I needed that!

[Zephyr]

* H had the power to impact my feelings about myself
I am not sure how to detach from this...

No man should ever hold this power over you (or woman, or parent or whatever).

There is only one way that i know of that this is going to happen and that is to start loving yourself so much so no one elses opinion will ever amount to anything but a stupid-assed opinion.

Whether it was rejection, dismissiveness, abusive talk or constant put downs by the person who 'loves' you, i think that it all turns around the same.

Understand your worth, beauty within, being grateful fr what you have and mostly learning to grab life by the balls and start living.

It looks to me like you are ready to get started, am i right???

[Gmum]

Shoot, so sorry. Don't know how I missed that.

You'll love running. You can listen to all your guilty pleasure or podcasts with no interruption. It's the best.

[melweb]

Zephyr--that was an awesome reply, as I find that even my H's 'tone' can set me on edge. Its not what he said, but HOW he said it.

[Mona52]

Z thanks! My H never took the power to impact how I felt about myself. I gave him the power. He|| I threw it at him. I grew up in an environment of criminals with no morals. I did not have people telling me right from wrong. Then I went to a catholic school where everything was right and wrong. I had no chance of knowing who was right. Or how I should act.

I guessed what a normal, good person was like and I used my close friends to tell if I was living like a normal human. So they always had power over how I looked at myself.

That is why I have different expectations for myself than I have for others. I would never be able to hurt H's feelings, but he is free to have an A. I gave him that power.

Now I am working on learning how to take it back. One day at I time I am taking my own power back.

[Mona52]

New Thread

Please come to my new thread. H just asked me for money.