Unlurking, Rd II: Hitting reset

[SciDad]

Thanks for your thoughts Spiff. I try not to read much into any of my wife's comments. For the most part I was just curious what she'd say. Having intel makes these kinds of conversations much more interesting. Since I already know some of the truth I can look most of the answer and try to get to the motives or identify possible problems (like the friends comment). In short, strange as it seems intel helps me REALLY listen.

1) I agree, doing nothing is allowing it to continue. Is that what you want?

In case you didn't mean this as a rhetorical question, I absolutely do not want the status quo. Lack of conflict is not the same as a healthy marriage.

3. How could you set up a sting? I am interested in this for a variety of reasons. Although, we both may not be ready for what we find.

In my case it's more straightforward - I know where the OM works, where his children live, and have a good idea of his schedule. First part would be to follow him to find out where he lives. Once I know that, I just need to show up when my wife is "working late" or "shopping" or giving any other BS excuse. Then I'd either leave a note on her car or more likely wait for her to come home where I would confront her about where she was. For me, I'm not worried about what I'd find - it can't be much worse than I'm picturing. It's more about giving her another free pass. If I keep catching her and letting her back what does that say about my boundaries? The only move I see making would be to tell her to GTF out of our house. I'm not ready for that yet.

4) I don't think telling her parents would be such a great idea. She would see that as enlisting them for your aid and possibly even resent you more than that. I don't think her parents would have that much, if any, sway in the long run. And it quite possibly would do more damage than good.

Darn, I really liked the idea of getting them involved. Maybe it's because I haven't told any of my family what's going on...

What plans do you have going on?