spoke to OW..the 1 he said he has no contact with

[Rain75]

Hiya Pink..thanks. Rain has always soothed me. I find it romantic and it calls to me... and ever since i was a kid I've always played in the rain.

Stop the insanity. Yes mam!

I want to, honestly i do. And you're right. The ow ugh. I suppose even though it hurt i should be grateful she showed me so that I wouldn't keep living a lie. But I told her to not send me anything else.

And if he is unleashing onto me what he feels inside its a miracle the man is able to work even function at all.

And yes...i do want him back. It is important to me. Even after all of this and i feel as if that makes me pathetic somehow since he clearly doesn't want me or our family. But to answer you.. Yes I do.

I've been so sad and working so hard just to keep from drowing that I haven't done more than providing meals and baths and silently watching as they play these past few days and that isn't fair. This isnt their fault.

I love that you say you still love the bastard. That made me smile. You are very strong to have gone through with D even when you didn't want one. As I wrote to Azzork i will do both. Call about how to start a child support case and find out the fee to consult with an attorney as well.

He is a jerk. He is a mess and I haven't contacted him and will only do so when it is to do with the kids. I will give him his space, his time and take both for myself as well.

I feel as if even though I want us to R I need to live my life from this moment forward as if we wont. Easy to write that harder to do. But I feel like having hope in the face of all of this madness makes me not a little nuts.

Thanks again for everything. You really are very strong lady. Wishing you the best.