spoke to OW..the 1 he said he has no contact with

[tl2]

When i refer to kid hand offs I meant in the future.

the future is not yet written. to be worried about how things might come to be down the road can result in your making bad decisions now...and now is when the future is being written, and only YOU can write your own future!

[Rain75]

Hiya Pink..thanks. Rain has always soothed me. I find it romantic and it calls to me... and ever since i was a kid I've always played in the rain.

Stop the insanity. Yes mam!

I want to, honestly i do. And you're right. The ow ugh. I suppose even though it hurt i should be grateful she showed me so that I wouldn't keep living a lie. But I told her to not send me anything else.

And if he is unleashing onto me what he feels inside its a miracle the man is able to work even function at all.

And yes...i do want him back. It is important to me. Even after all of this and i feel as if that makes me pathetic somehow since he clearly doesn't want me or our family. But to answer you.. Yes I do.

I've been so sad and working so hard just to keep from drowing that I haven't done more than providing meals and baths and silently watching as they play these past few days and that isn't fair. This isnt their fault.

I love that you say you still love the bastard. That made me smile. You are very strong to have gone through with D even when you didn't want one. As I wrote to Azzork i will do both. Call about how to start a child support case and find out the fee to consult with an attorney as well.

He is a jerk. He is a mess and I haven't contacted him and will only do so when it is to do with the kids. I will give him his space, his time and take both for myself as well.

I feel as if even though I want us to R I need to live my life from this moment forward as if we wont. Easy to write that harder to do. But I feel like having hope in the face of all of this madness makes me not a little nuts.

Thanks again for everything. You really are very strong lady. Wishing you the best.

[Azzork]

And a reason not to file for CS? I suppose a glimmer of hope for our R but honestly what R at this point. I will start by calling the CS enforcement office.

Why do you think that having an official document guaranteeing the wellbeing of your (and his) children will impact whether or not you reconcile in the future?

[Rain75]

Thanks tl2...you're right of course. I need to re read DR i started to yesterday but stopped. I also need to read my bible and find a church. It is so hard not to think of him and those messages that are now floating before me constantly but I have to stop. I have to for my own benefit.

[Rain75]

I guess because when my parents divorced and visitation and CS where established that was not only the end but my dad would tell us the reason we were no longer a family was that my mom filed for D and he knew then they couldn't fix things.

I came here for advice and I have gotten tons. I don't want to be a pushover any more. And I have tried it my way and I see where it's gotten me. So i am going to do my best to take everyones advice and implement it

Thanks

[Rain75]

Azzork,

I meant he is hurtful to me in the way he is treating me and speaking to me when he is the one that was just caught lying about his affair having been over.

And no in the past he has not ever said that we need to exchange whatever we have at one anothers homes. He has never banned me from using his account to purchase things. So it makes it final in my mind. Final to him I should say.

Yes he has said many loving things that he stopped saying and feeling so i do get your point. I am trying my best to be logical but my emotions have a mind of their own.

And yes he will do whatever he wants to do as he has done so this entire time.

[Pink17]

Rain dear,

I am glad you are somehow digesting all this. To tell the truth, the first thing I did after DB was to get drunk, totally drunk. You see, here in this board we will let you know we made a ton of mistakes and we basically learned the hard way, with a lot of 2 x 4s from the vets.

Don't punish yourself, you are having a perfect reaction. It is all very new and you are in shock at some kind.

Tl2 and Azzork are giving you good advice and you will be smart to listen and do some thinking. I went to three lawyers and they were free for the first visit, consultation as they call. They just look at the case and tell you what they can do for you, what are your changes for Y or Z. Try to call some places and see if you can get a free consultation first, so you do not need to spend money yet.

Regarding being engaged or partners, you need to also find out how it works in your estate, some places if you are sharing a life like a married couple for this "X" years then it does not matter if you are legally married or not, the D will be also to dissolve that R. Check on that.

And when I said to get some paperwork done, I meant this too. Gather information, paperwork, start a file so when you have your consultation you have all you need. Also, every time you think about a question, write it down and put it in your folder. Believe me, you will forget if you don't write it down.

About GAL, it does not need to be something super fantastic, it is just time out to cool you off right now. Maybe doing something with the kids and something for yourself. I won't feel too good at first, but will get better.

Don't worry about being needy here in this board. You need help right now, you will feel better in the future, but we know well how salty is this pain.

Another suggestion is that you can read some of the stories here. There are some with good ending w/H back and they are some with excellent ending without the H back. LOL.

You can start reading TO326 - she is back with her H now, but boy, she went through a horrible time. He said lots of horrible things to her, did a lot of stupid things like FB show it all. But at some point, like Azzork said, feeling changed and he decided his family was important for him.

And, what do you think about choosing a time to cry, to be sad and a time to be practical? It may help to manage your time better.

And by the way, do you work?

I too use to play in the rain when I was a child, I still do when eventually rains in Colorado, what is not all the time.

((((((((((((((Rain))))))))))))))
Pink

[Azzork]

I guess because when my parents divorced and visitation and CS where established that was not only the end but my dad would tell us the reason we were no longer a family was that my mom filed for D and he knew then they couldn't fix things.

Can you expound on this a little more? Im not going to speculate on the background on your parent's divorce. But my guess from the way you worded this, is that I shouldnt believe too much of what your dad says.

Honestly, that logic makes now sense.
Your mom filed for guaranteed money to protect the long-term interest of you and your siblings. And THAT measure was why they couldnt reconcile? Read that again and let me know if you think it makes any sense.

Protect you and yours. If you dont, your H can and probably will do something to hurt you.

[Rain75]

No it doesn't make any sense. She filed because he was abusive and a serial cheater. But as a kid what he said made an impact because I missed my dad, our family and he always looked So sad when he would see my mom and so stricken when he would tell her he loved her and she would tell him to please stop or he wouldnt be allowed into the house anymore.

[- MB -]

Another suggestion is that you can read some of the stories here. There are some with good ending w/H back and they are some with excellent ending without the H back. LOL.

You can start reading TO326 - she is back with her H now, but boy, she went through a horrible time. He said lots of horrible things to her.......

I have tried to do this before, but apparently I don't know how. I went to the search tab, then clicked on the "advanced" link at the bottom and fill out the questions. It always says that nothing can be found though. Any suggestions? It's probably REALLY easy to do, I'm just not having any luck.