Love the name by the way. I love rain. It's refreshing.
Please, stop the insanity or it will be like this for a long haul.
First, this OW has no grounds to say, show, or whatever is her dirty business about herself or your H. Just ignore her totally. She is a piece of trash and a waste of your precious time. Forget about her.
Second, your H is reacting to the open and blown situation that was just comfortable for him the way it was before. He will make you feel bad, unhappy, miserable, guilt, ashamed, and a lot more... WHY? Because that is the way he feels inside his turmoil and he does not want to feel that way.
He says he loves this OW, well, if it was real love, it would be patient, careful, serene and he would have the decency of respecting everyone involved and not go on a frantic spastic blow as he is right now.
The best thing you can do right now is to retrieve, do not use any media to make yourself feel bad. You are hurting a lot already and does not need any extra help on the bleeding.
Start from the starting point. Do you want your H back? Is that important for you and your family?
If yes, then read the DB book over and over. Stop calling, texting, using excuses. He is telling you he wants his space and that is what you need to give him.
If you need to say something to him, then say:
"I am sorry H this situation got to this point, but I understand and respect your decision since I also need some space and time to think about my life too?"
He will be a little confused just by you saying this, then he will be more confused that you will let him go, will let him pursue this fantastic love of his. He is not seeing the big picture here, he is after a woman that is married, he has three small kids. People can be dreamers to a point, but he is not in a best position here.
So get yourself out of this mess, look for something you can do with your kids. I know, I know, you are a mess and can't even function well. But remember that your kids are going through this as well, and if you are not careful now, you will end up paying a lot of money for counselors once they are older.
Your H is behaving like a jerk, an insensitive teenager. Let him be and it will all explode in his face sooner then later.
You need to lose weight? The think what you can do to start that. You need to look into finances and protect yourself and the kids? Then schedule a visit with a lawyer (I did with three) to find out what are your rights and what can you in your situation to protect yourself legally if things goes to that direction.
Be informed, do not let yourself too sentimental about everything. Pick a time to cry, suffer, and pick a time to be practical. One thing does not need to be connect to the other. And if not for yourself, then do it to protect your children. They can't protect themselves and right now your H is a mess, they have only you to look after them.
I did my D, even not wanting one. But I was afraid that things would turn badly and I needed to protect myself and my three boys. I end up with a house, my car paid off, no bills at all, part of the money in my retirement account and a fat alimony check every two weeks for 9years.
Was it the best thing? For my heart no because I still love the bastard. But financially speaking I am not suffering.
The other thing I did is that I got myself in counseling, it helped me a lot, really a lot. I also got to a point that I couldn't work well, then I went to my doctor, explained the situation I was going through and got a mild Anti depressant, it did not dope me, it just took off the edge and I could function better at work and at home.
And don't take me wrong, I still cried, cried and cried. I felt I was a mess. But I could keep my head a little more clear for what was really important... my kids, myself.
Please, see a lawyer at least to check what you can do. Start gathering some papers, be prepare to act in your own behalf.
Let him go, he needs time and he is asking for it. The more you go after him, the more he will run from you. To get it back, you need to let it go.
