I agree with my lovely RD and the wise V here. It is what it is and not a measurable thing that you can say less of this and more of that.
Go with the flow and let it unfold by itself. Yet you are in command of that direction because you will do what is good and healthy for yourself.
It is indeed a feeling of a boiling stew. But I think it is just what it is for now. Give yourself credit, and pat yourself in the back because you are still you.
It is hard, very hard work. Michelle was not kidding when she said "prepare yourself for a very hard work" or "it's not a sprint, it is a Marathon". Now we know she wasn't lying about it.
The way I see by what I am going through is that there is a side of me that needs to move forward and do things for myself and become better, and so on.
And there is a side of me that still holds the hope of maybe somehow get back together with the man I promised to love forever.
Well, if we could just divide ourselves in two parts, then it would be easy. But, there is a lot of other feeling involved in all of this. Think about a tornado that just went by you and all what was left was you. The destruction is cruel, to everything you loved and enjoyed gone is a tornado inside your heart, and then you think... I am still here, it did not kill me, I just need to take one day at a time and rebuild my house, where by the way I will probably live many years to come and be happy again.
And that is us, we are rebuilding what was destroyed, and it is not easy, but time is a friend with no limits and will help us to do just that, rebuild.
There is even more, the house you built before was not so strong and did not have the right foundation for tornados events. Now, you know better and will built that house with a lot of knowledge to make it stronger and tornado proof.
.... I met a lady at a bowling alley last Friday that is back in Colorado. She is trying to get her XH back. Why? This lady fell in love with some other guy, left her H and moved away for a what she tough a better life alongside the new love of her life.
After two years, she figure that she is more unhappy then when she was with her XH. She decided to come back and fight for her broken M. Her XH is not totally gone, but he moved on too and now he does not see himself back into all that pain he felt when she left him.
It was amazing for me to talk to the other side. She was very sure she was doing the right thing. Then with time she started missing her XH, she started missing all what was good about him and became sure he is the only man she actually love for real.
Is that too late for her? I don't know. Her XH does not have serious R, but he is hurt and afraid, so it is now her time to give him space to think about what he wants.
It is amazing how sometimes life goes around.
So beautiful, hang in there, maybe just accept that things are the way they are right now, and be open for what life will throw your way in the future.
You are doing great for such messed up situation. You are indeed a hero in my eyes.
