My W is totally convinced that D won't affect the children at all - and that they will be fine with everything.
Mine as well. They all seem to be a bit narcissistic and think everyone else in the family feels like they do and are ok with it...because it all makes so much sense to the WAS why the M is unsaveable.
My W was actually surprised by the degree of the kids' reactions. Didn't budge her one bit of course.
Mine as well. They all seem to be a bit narcissistic and think everyone else in the family feels like they do and are ok with it...because it all makes so much sense to the WAS why the M is unsaveable.
My W was actually surprised by the degree of the kids' reactions. Didn't budge her one bit of course.
My W has spun her web so great with her family that they don't know the truth. Not in the least. When I was talking with one of them, I simply said "there is a lot more than what you are being told and I won't go there, but you would be shocked." They may get it or not, that's on them. I won't stoop to attacking her. Now if she files and tries to get nasty crazy, who is to say the gloves won't come off?
I am not even sure that the kids' reaction would phase my W either...
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
One of the most difficult things for me to do through this in the early days was to understand that my W was not the person I thought she was. Some of that was on her for being deceptive; some of that was on me for refusing to look more deeply at the red flags I wanted to believe (and that she wanted me to believe!) were misunderstandings on my part.
My W has spun her web so great with her family that they don't know the truth. Not in the least. When I was talking with one of them, I simply said "there is a lot more than what you are being told and I won't go there, but you would be shocked." They may get it or not, that's on them. I won't stoop to attacking her. Now if she files and tries to get nasty crazy, who is to say the gloves won't come off?
It's scary how similar you sound to me in this situation. I can almost guarantee I'd say the exact same thing, for the exact same reasons...
Me-38 W-38; T-15 M-12; S10 and S6 BD - July 2016; EA confirmed; confronted Aug 2015 EA dissolved 12/2016
Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option - Maya Angelou
I have heard things like W hasn't been happy in 6 or 7 years, and last week it was 2 or 3 years. So, even her own time line is moving.
It is all about her. That is all she sees anymore. And the issues are inside her. She has hardened her heart towards me, and until that changes, nothing will ever get better.
So, I am trying to let her walk that path herself. I have my own to follow, and I hope they come back together in the future. If not, I will be fine. I want her to be my W, my future doesn't depend on it though.
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
dday That's right. She has chosen this path. Today one thing my DB coach said to me that is really sticking with me is "She has chosen this path. I need to get out of way and allow her to experience the natural consequences of her adult choices." Basically, I can't protect her. Don't clean up her poop.
Me 40 WW 41 D 4 S 12 S 14 BD 6.16.2015 W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15 W Filed Divorce 9.14.15 My ring off 11.15.15 D finalized 12.18.15 WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
It is all about her. That is all she sees anymore. And the issues are inside her. She has hardened her heart towards me, and until that changes, nothing will ever get better.
.
Same here, WAH is so self-centered he is not even getting that our daughter is crushed. He wants her to stay over like it's a fun slumber party. She's less than enthusiastic, and because she's a very empathetic caring person, feels guilty for letting her dad down. I told her that it is those of us who are caring ie. not self-centered, find times hard when the other person is just thinking of themselves.
She said, I always thought I would marry a guy like dad.... Yup. I had nothing to say. Like dday says
Originally Posted By: gs9
dday Don't clean up her poop.
or his poop.
Buttercup
Me 50 H 51 M 17 T 20 D16 H EA Feb 2014 BD Sept 2015 H moved out Nov 2015 W Filed D papers Mar 2016
Thanks Gs9 and butterc. I do get a chuckle out of the pooping their pants comments. And it is the truth, we need to stay out of their way and let them sink or swim or whatever.
Tonight at kid pickup, my W was overly nice. Gave me stuff for the boys lunches, so I didn't have to go to the store. Then told me about a little girl we know has cancer. We both kinda got emotional, poor kid. She didn't ask me about my trip, bit did ask how my buddy is doing. W has known him for a long time, he stood up with me at our wedding.
I was able to do this tonight, and not be emotional or have any expectations. And, I have made it 2 hours after seeing her and not got all down and mopey. That is progress.
It's very weird, like something happened inside my head. Today I am ok with not being with her. Like really honestly ok. I don't know how long that will last, but it is a big change.
I do want my W to be with me. But, I know it won't happen soon, if ever. I am starting to wonder what dating will look like. It's a small town, and I can't move from here and see my kids as much (same for w), so the dating pool is very limited. I would be ecstatic to never have to find out and W wanted to work on us. It may happen, but I'm not gonna hold my breath anymore
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
I hope that this level of detachment, or whatever I have going on, can be maintained. I am by no means happy with the D, but I may be learning to accept it. Usually, just seeing W gets me spinning, but yesterday it didn't happen.
Still love her, still hope she gets her sh!t together and wants to work on us. But, I can see that I can make a good life for me and my 3 heathens. (They are great kids, and are handling this pretty well right now.) I have started looking at vehicles and houses. I am stuck in my lease until july1, but it doesn't hurt to look. It's oddly exciting to be looking for things to improve my life. Not where I want to be, but I will make it the best I can.
Apparently the weekend away did me a lot of good!
Hope everyone has a great day!
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
It's very weird, like something happened inside my head. Today I am ok with not being with her. Like really honestly ok. I don't know how long that will last, but it is a big change.
Sounds like you're making good progress, dday. Congrats!
I can tell you for me it has been cycles of ever-increasing times of "being ok" to ever-decreasing times where I've gotten down about things. Counseling has helped tremendously, as has being able to talk to certain friends or family...particularly when I'm tempted to talk to her. I think a lot of the reason we have a hard time not communicating with the WAS during this time is because they're typically the first person we talk to about things when life is 'normal'. Hard to break that.
