Unlurking, Rd II: Hitting reset

[SciDad]

Not much new to post, things are good at home, yet I know she still has contact with OM and texts that she tells him she loves him.

The topic of the OM came up this weekend (I can't really say exactly how because it might reveal too much), and when I asked if she still talked to him she said "not really." I know she's texting him at least once a day - she says goodnight to him before bed.

I will continue to stay the course, but need advice. I am seriously thinking about some way to shake things up because I can't see any progress as long as she's in contact with him.

Options:

1) Do nothing. Hope that eventually she will see the light. I don't like this - it seems to passive and door-matty.

2) Withdraw and detach. I'm concerned that if I pull back I will confirm her suspicions that any changes I've made are temporary and that we will never be able to communicate well (big reason for our problems).

3) I don't know where the OM lives right now, but I could set up a sting and try to catch her red-handed. The process for this seems very painful for me, and has a good chance of back-firing on me.

4) Tell her parents (this is the direction I'm leaning). My W is extremely close to her Mom and if criticism comes from her I know changes will be made. However, there is a possibility that MIL already knows about the whole thing. Probably not (she is VERY anti-affair), but still a possibility given how much they share together. My guess is my MIL knows there might be an EA forming, but doesn't know about the sexting, pics, or lies. If nothing else full disclosure to clear the air will explain why I refuse to let the OM in the house (could be an issue- in-laws are flying in for New Year's and always ask about the OM because he was a very good friend to our family).

5) Start developing a friend network for the two of us (start going to church, volunteering, meetup.com). This is actually part of my GAL, but one thing struck me in our "casual" conversation about the OM. When I validated that it must be hard to separate from the OM, she said "especially without any friends." We live across the country from our family and childhood friends and because of typical "kid-focus" don't know that many people out here even though we've lived here for 10 years.

Any thoughts? Advice? 2x4s? I have a few weeks to come up with a plan, but I want to shake things up after the holidays, when we have fewer time commitments and distractions.