Hi Jpeg, good for you not responding to that text. From an outside perspective, it's so innappropriate for someone to be in a R with someone else, but still texting the W to say I'll love you forever. I think it's just trying to keep a number of people 'on the hook' so to speak.

I think GB's suggestion is an interesting one. If H can still text you at 11pm or whenever tenderly, even if you don't respond it enables his behaviour to an extent. He can still imagine you receiving that text and feeling a surge of tenderness perhaps. I can see the merit in closing down that avenue. It is fairly 'hard line' and could be more tricky to do with kids. In my sitch, where we don't have kids, I would certainly consider doing this, and if you have a suitable intermediary you could do this.

I guess another way might be to ask him to communicate only via email and block the phone number. You could let him know that you don't welcome such messages from him when he is in a R with someone else. I have a couple of email accounts, one of which my H uses. I decided to take that one off my phone, so I only get his emails when I choose to check them (ie: no late at night contact.) He has emailed me at around 10.30 with inessential stuff and I know that would have unsettled me had I read it at that time. As it was, I picked it up the next day & responded - it's been quite freeing for me to apply this control.

I think the main thing in all of the above is to recognise the inappropriateness of his behaviour, given the ongoing A, and keep firm boundaries in place. No dissolving into tenderness with his ILY messages - yeuch - whilst A is ongoing. It'll take more than that if you want to win lovely Jpeg back matey!!

Take care my friend xx

Last edited by Sotto; 12/09/15 09:03 AM.
T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus