I volunteer in the marriage ministry at a very large church. Our team would very much want to know if one of us had fallen into sin so far such that we could immediately take action to root out and defeat the evil. Grab your shield and grab your sword. You don't need to convince THEM they are having an affair, they already know it.
PI's aren't necessary when a voice activated digital recorder hidden in the car will do (or a simply gps tracking device). Snooping for the sake of just monitoring is against DB methods because it'll drive you crazy and the information is meaningless after confirmation; however, confirming, documenting, and proving the actually existence of the affair is an essential first step. It's dealing with the reality of the situation honestly. Not only so you can tell the OM's wife, but also so you can communicate to your wife that you know she's lying, the gig is up, she's cheating with [full name], I've already told his wife and given her proof and I demand you immediately end your affair (the demand would be open ended....no real "or else" yet - the "or else" is just, "i don't know I just know I'm not going to continue to be in a open marriage"). Also, proof of an affair, should you divorce, could be a factor in child custody and it's the ACTUAL story of your life (and the real reason for the demise of your marriage). Sure you played a part in the unhappiness that was your marriage but you are in no way responsible for your wife's decision to cheat on you. That is a an indication of her inadequate coping mechanisms. She had other choices available to her like divorce or real honest separation. Maybe you weren't great a being a husband but cheating makes her a bad person (until she repents).
Where is your child? With you, I hope. Active wayward spouse are terrible parents.
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
