[BrightFuture]

Thanks, Heather. As I suspected, my request brought the subject of D. He agreed to sign the forms, and then told me that at some point we need to discuss how to proceed with separation of assets and D. Separation of assets means me signing the condo to him. He mentioned though that he will have my son as a first beneficiary, which a good thing in all of this. We also talked about other aspects of this, which involves the trust (condo is currently in a trust in Mexican bank), then a piece of property that is also sitting there. The money that we borrowed to buy that property eventually was rolled into the mortgage that I’m paying for my house. He doesn’t want that property. I don’t either.

He also mentioned his 401K/IRA account and how there is not much left of it, because he put a significant amount of money for down payment for condo when we bought it. This was mentioned on purpose. I think he had discussed this with some people, and I have a feeling with the attorney too. This is just to let me know that he has an investment into the condo, and not only me paying mortgage for it for a few years while we were together. I think he thinks that I might want him to buy me out and not just sign off the condo to him. I might as well go for that, as I think there is no hope for a reconciliation.

He said that once the assets are sorted out, the D should be very easy. He said that it’s been a while with our separation and we need to finalize this. He said that we could stay the principals in the business, or we could divide that too.

I asked him about the old bed frame and dressers, if he wanted any of that, because I’m planning to buy a new bedroom furniture. He said that he didn’t need any of that. But, remembered that there are still two wooden chests (his and his late Mom’s) that he would like to pick up at some point and asked me not to discard them. I actually was going to ask about these too, but he mentioned them first.

So, it seems like he’s been thinking about all of that and probably discussing it with people (most likely that crazy woman friend.) It also looks like he is still dead set on D, same as 2-3 years ago. While we were talking, I was trying to look into his eyes. He is wearing glasses, so it was not that easy. But… I didn’t see the shark eyes, like some people describe of an MLCer. He looked absolutely normal.

I think at some point during the conversation I felt like my face was getting red. I think my blood pressure raised, it was like a hot flush. I tried to keep the composure, but it didn’t work. After a few minutes I was able to get some control. I hate that I showed this weakness. I thought I was ready for this…

We chatted about some other stuff, like the dog and how he almost got a dog and how he misses to have a dog. He asked a couple of questions about my dog and commented how lucky this dog is. After all the dog came over to H’s camper when he was working in Texas and this is how the dog was adopted. H actually credits himself for this dog good fortunes. I agreed, and said that this is indeed a great dog. Anyway, I’m not making much sense here…

My observations and feelings… H speaks like a normal person, makes sense in everything he says. He looked straight into my eyes. I’m not even sure he is in MLC anymore. So, my hope is goooone… I don’t even think he has any guilt or remorse about us. It felt like he thought that he did the best thing for both of us... He talked about stuff like it was just a business as usual… Don’t these people think that other people might actually have some feelings...? Or, am I such a good actor that he thinks that I’m perfectly fine with my life going astray because he thought it was best for everyone? I feel like a failure…

I’m having some wine while I’m typing this… Sorry, if some of it doesn’t make any sense… I will have good cry tonight… And then I will be ready for a D tomorrow… I was actually thinking that I’m ready to resolve this as well. It is sad, but I hope it will open new possibilities for me down the road.