The problem with having to mind-read your p-a spouse is that, in my experience, we never get it right and we spend a lot of time and energy doing something that turns out to be an expense (a permanent loss of time and energy) rather than an investment (a temporary expenditure for the spouse who then returns the favor).
Job 1 for all of us is communication. I had a psych professor once who said that, in her opinion, a relationship is simply an agreement to meet each other's needs. But in order to do that, we have to be open about those needs, and accepting of the person meeting them.
I just spent 20 years with someone who typically held me in contempt for not getting it right while never telling me what she wanted or allowing what I did do to make a difference. I will never go back to something like that. It was awful.
