SciDad and Calibri, thank you for your words. The thing is, I really do believe that H truly believes that I am the cause of all of the problems with his parents. I would bet money on it.
I had a role. I was in a difficult position, and I do not believe I am to blame, but I did have a role in it. I complained too much instead of getting professional help to figure out how to deal with the problems. I knew H didn't have the skills or perspective to handle the situation well and I just kept pressuring him to do it. Until it all blew up in my face. And now I truly believe I am being made the scapegoat for all of it. I believe that I am going to lose my H because of this. H has shut me out and wants nothing to do with me.
In MC I have asked if we can move forward, if we can establish healthy ways of relating and moving forward and H does not want to. He wants to rehash the past.
I am heading out soon to my dinner group. I truly do not want to go. I want to go to bed and curl up under the covers and cry all night. But I will go. I am beyond sad and defeated. I can NOT stay stuck. I can not.
I am choosing to move forward in a healthy way, to put the past behind me, to model healthy and resilient emotions for my children. It is up to H to make his choice.
