The divorce was a fixation that has now been removed. Like my wife that was his route to happiness. Guess what, like my wife, he is now seeing it wasn't.
Words are just words. Actions speak clearly. His actions will say a lot as to where he is in the process and how far he still has to go. The road home is very difficult and he may choose not to follow it. My wife is on this very same road right now. She moves a little ahead and then back tracks. All we can do is watch them falter and hope they don't fall too far and hope they get back up and keep moving. If he chooses to get help for himself and finally straightens out then you will have your own decisions to make. For now just keep moving on with your own life and live it to the fullest.
Twisting on Life's Rope Me53 W53 M20 D21 D19 D16 BD 2-2013 D final 1-2015 _________________________ "Dream about tomorrow, Live for today, Learn from yesterday"
Please keep in mind that the holidays tend to bring some of them out to play. Keep those expectations at zero for both the Forrester and your xh.
If you don't have anything to share w/them, then keep your communications short and sweet, if they require responses.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Can't think of a thing to say in a letter. How ironic is that!!!! Sorta blows me away. I don't have a damn thing to say to this guy. And, HE IS ASKING ME TO WRITE HIM.
Can't say I'm surprised, Heather. Once you say what you need to say, then, well... what else is there to say? Ya know?
Ah the holidays. Job is quite right - keep yourself protected from both.
Glad things are looking up. The good thing about this contact is it helps to bring closure to you and the rest. That's no trivial matter, m'dear. But it doesn't require you to say any more. In fact, it doesn't require anything from you except to protect you and stay on the track to getting yourself whole. No more than that.
Peace, AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
I've been sorta using him actually, from the beginning of this ordeal. As I've grown, I find myself less and less concerned about his responses/actions... It's more about putting me first. I use him to work through the feelings. I unload and vent and let go a little more. Sorta my M.O. Not saying this works for everyone, but I have to admit... At this stage, I have little to say to him and don't feel much of a burden on my heart in terms of unsaid stuff.
I think I'd rather have all my teeth pulled... Without nocacain even... than have to read a lengthy letter written by Matt.
I was reading that silly site Texts from your Ex. Sorta put things in perspective. He sounds much like those texts.
He has such a long way to go and I'm not sure I'm even interested in him anymore,.. Even physically. I'd like someone taller, burlier, strong with a beard... Blond maybe? Kind, MELLOW. Relaxed. Healthy...
Anyway. Not looking for anyone right now. I'm enjoying some attn I'm getting from men and trying to get straight with money. That's the plan.
Matt can pound dirt.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
I DO have to add that, while getting honest with myself about money stuff... I have a new appreciation for how he did try at times and how my behavior impacted him. I can see there were times he was at his wits end. At a low moment, I shared an amends. I reached out and he was, miraculously, there for me. I did need to cleanse my soul after something he said though which really bothered me... After the amends and moment of sincere weakness, He was telling me how he had tried and tried and tried and gave up. He seemed to take the amends as proof he was in the right for his actions.
I thanked him for being there and told him... There was never anything you coulda done to keep me from struggling where I did. That started before you. My mistakes/problems are mine and I own them.
It felt like something I needed to do for me. Not preaching, but making it clear we are both responsible for our actions.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Received a card from the other side... Not the lengthy one he promised... I told him not to bother. He sent me a card addressed just to me... Had a little note about a sweet memories of when we became a couple... Then said I've always been Plan A, but he is stuck in Plan B.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Heather - painful as it is, if he can recognize that there are two plans, and even differentiate A from B, then he is making a choice "to be stuck."
Guess this is why we are told to watch the actions and mute the words. Don't drink the "woe is me Kool-Aid."
Happy holidays to you and your girls.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
