Calibri, thank you. I am getting to the point where I believe he has decided that his childhood issues and his need to "redo" things with his parents are his priority over his current family. Definitely more important than me, and probably more important than our children. I am hoping that while he is gone for the next 6 months he will figure things out. I am hoping that, but I am not hopeful. I am realizing that staying with him in his current state of mind and "waiting" is not in my best interests, or that of my children.
I read something yesterday about detachment, that really helped me. It came from a FB posting, hope I am allowed to repost it here:
One of the most important decisions you'll ever have to make is to stop waiting for people in your life to change and realize you are not ‘throwing them under the bus’ by detaching and moving on. The decision to let go of those who are hell bent on staying messed up and get on with creating the extraordinary life your worthy of living is also the most life enhancing change you’ll ever make. Letting go is excruciatingly painful and will require every fiber of courage you have and then some.
This made me think. The "Extraordinary life" that I am worthy of living is simply a happy life with my family. I just want the simple things in life. I am not asking for much, my "bar" is set pretty low. I have been in crisis mode, trauma mode for far too long. I want peace. I want love. I am so very tired, I just can't keep doing this any more.
