Then again, his complaint was that I didn't make him feel like a man. The feminist in me rankles and feels insulted for having to dumb myself down. The best part is that I did ask for his opinions but he would always say that we shouldn't have 2 indian chiefs. And now he says that I have never, the key word is never, asked or respected his decision.
So I am going to do some major mindreading here and infer that what he meant was that he needed words of affirmation and that I could have shown respect in ways that doesnt insult my intelligence but would have built him up.
I'll bite on this since (again) this is exactly what I would think about W. I'll start by saying he's going to be stuck and thinking only about the times he didn't feel like a man because of how you treated him. When he said you "didn't treat him like a man", the way I would see W doing that was how she talked down to me. How she would disrespect me and always seem to have an attitude with me. Yes, words of affirmation and there were times when I didn't get them that I would resent her for it. How could she me such a bitch to me all the time? I took it personal and felt she didn't see me as a man. So there's the nugget of truth of how he felt at that time.
The other side of this, since I now realize there's so much more to it. It's very likely this was only a phase and it was because he treated you the same way at some point also, you might have even had the same feelings and can relate to the above. There's also his own insecurities that fed into his actions where he expected you to make him feel like a man but he didn't feel like one himself. He, just like me, didn't act in any way a man should and on some deep down level knew that. We were looking for validation we weren't such a POS and when we didn't get it from our partner it only made us feel worse about ourselves. It's not that you didn't make him feel him a man, it's that you reminded him he didn't feel like one himself. When people scratch those deep wounds we end up reacting anf lashing out. So with all things, what was about him and not you.
So your last paragraph, yes you could have. But you were also dealing with your own internal things so the cycle of lashing out kept going back and forth. Both of you are responsible for it continuing. He's still responsible for his issues and you yours. It's easier not to get defensive and react when we realize things aren't personal. People act because of their own deep issues.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
