So long and short of it. My so and i have 3 children he cheated with an ex while i was pregnant. The entire time serious PA. I did my pregnancy alone he was out almost every night. All of our money waa spent on her.
After i gave birth the PA ended but the worst EA took its place. He was depressed. Always on the phone or texting her.
Cut to a few months ago when she told him she has a man now. He cried and was depressed for weeks.
Over the last 2 years theyve met a few times. For the last year weve fought a lot because id hear things n ask him he would scream it was all a lie. That he has had no contact since last year. But he still had a phone code and he would ignore a lot of late night and early morning calls.
He would fight with me saying i need to concentrate on us n our family n move on bc he did.
However i now spoke to ow she sent me a few screen shots from just a few days ago of him being lovey dovey and telling her he thinks of her constantly.
He has been emotionlly distant. Ive always maintained it was because the EA was still going on to which he would reply that i was crazy
Im devasted. It feels like that first BD only more intense. The betrayal. And his response has been hateful. Telling me he is glad this happened so that HE can have a great life now n live in peace
He has been texting her as well calling her a liar and telling her that she is a pos for coming between him n our kids. Then goes on to say he lovea her n never meant to hurt her. I never get i love you.
Because you see...its never his fault.
But i know him. This happened. And He still wants her and has no true remorse about lying and hurting me.
He just called me to tell me he has done nothing wrong. That she is twisting some things n lying about others. Why did he call me instead of texting it?
Because she told him if he called her a liar again she would send me a lot more proof. He is scared i will screen shot it n she will follow through
He has spent the last year telling her we werent together. And monitoring pics his family puts on FB of our kids. Theyre only allowds to post if the kids pics are them at my house or at the park etc. (We live apart but we are always in one anothers houses) he told her that even when he was with me it was only for the kids.
His black of remorse and the coldness the crumbs ive gotten while he is wining n dining her. Being loving n sweet and telling her every song makes him think of her just kills me
And im not saying i handled things well because i absolutely did not. I did everything DR says NOT to do. Cried. Guilted. Begged for reassurance. Demanded he stop contact. And fought with him at least once a week. Threw the affair in his face etc
Btw shes his ex because she cheated on him. Confirmed by her
Im rambling now. Scattered. Im sorry. I feel like if im going crazy
I was scared to go dark thinking it would push him to her or someone else. But i need to go dark for my own sanity
Any advice or tips would be greatly appreciated. I need to heal..move on and find a way to be okay for our childrens sake.
Thanks for reading.
Rain (moi): 40 Ex Fiance: 39 3 kids On/off again EA & PA Last BD by ow 12/15 Moved kids and myself back into our own place: 12/15
She just sent me more info. A few days ago while we were watching a movie.. he told her he wishes they could be together again. That he thinks of her constantly. That he has no family and only sees his kids a couple days a week. Ended with.. I miss you.
I hate myself for staying.
Rain (moi): 40 Ex Fiance: 39 3 kids On/off again EA & PA Last BD by ow 12/15 Moved kids and myself back into our own place: 12/15
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
Thank you. Ive read some of the links you gave when i was reading through others posts. I have a lot more to go. My mind is scattered. I wish i could run away.
Rain (moi): 40 Ex Fiance: 39 3 kids On/off again EA & PA Last BD by ow 12/15 Moved kids and myself back into our own place: 12/15
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
Thanks. My laptop is on the Fritz so im using my phone for now and now with this he won't be around anymore. He is grieving his mistress. He hasn't even asked to see the kids. Hasn't even asked about them.
I have DR and started re reading it. I skipped to the LRT and after the LRT.
I will read it again cover to cover. Trying to hold it together so as not to scare the kids.
Thanks again
Rain (moi): 40 Ex Fiance: 39 3 kids On/off again EA & PA Last BD by ow 12/15 Moved kids and myself back into our own place: 12/15
I'm so sorry for the position you're in. And I know how you feel: On my 20th wedding anniversary I took my W to the beach and found her passed out drunk on the beach...she had been texting with a male co-worker back home about how she wanted to run off with him for a week and "play and explore".
I did not get any peace until I detached from my W. Even then it was difficult and a slow process until I started feeling better. And I also backslid plenty, but every backslide taught me how much trying to connect with her was a bad thing.
I too have stayed for a long time in a marriage where she was constantly lying and unfaithful, and I can tell you from my experience that there is nothing else that worked for me to keep me sane and strong. Have to detach, go dark, get a life, all that stuff.
Tl2...thanks so much:) Im so sorry about yr wife. The way they so easily lie is just craziness to me. Going dark is my first goal. He just text in a snarky way...funny how not a word about my kids.
Uh you haven't asked about them genius. Hes been too busy wallowing in his mistress depression and texting her yet somehow its me.
I did not respond. Maybe later i will send him pics of them. I juat do not want any contact right now. All his texts to her have crushed me
Anyway...thanks for sharing your story with me. And if going dark...detaching and gal is what helped you then i thank you for the advice. Going dark and detaching with kids seems like an oxymoron.
This is so hard. I just want to scream and cry and run away.
Rain (moi): 40 Ex Fiance: 39 3 kids On/off again EA & PA Last BD by ow 12/15 Moved kids and myself back into our own place: 12/15
How old are your kids? Why would you need to text him pics of them?
I would think part of detaching and going dark would mean keeping him informed of important kids' events (school things, ball games, dance recitals, etc. if they're involved in that), and not blocking access to kids if he wants to see them, but also not texting him pics of them for no reason or just because he wants them.
Maybe a good boundary could be something like: You're welcome to set up times to come pick up the kids and do things with them if you want to see them, but texting pics is not really necessary.
Our 2 youngest are 2 years old. I like, no scratch that, i love your suggestion. He asks for pics because when he is in his ow depression he is only thinking of himself n his feelings n cant be bothered to pick them up for a couple of hours. I guess seeing pics of them being their happy selves alleviates some of his guilt. Who knows. Thanks again for your suggestion.
Rain (moi): 40 Ex Fiance: 39 3 kids On/off again EA & PA Last BD by ow 12/15 Moved kids and myself back into our own place: 12/15
