Hey, Barry, I saw your post on my thread and I wanted to come here and see what you're grappling with. Sotto nailed it, but I did want to share a little of my own experience.
The VERY BEST THING I did for myself this year was a trip to Paris. (I'm in the US, going to France is a big deal) I was completely terrified and kind of resistant to it, but when I actually got there and decided to just make it AWESOME, it was amazing, and I surprised myself with how great it was. Truly life changing. So pull out your bucket list -- or make one if you haven't yet -- and plan something that is just for you. Better still if it's something your X would never have done or would have done only grudgingly.
Anti-depressants: I hyper-respond to medication, so I never was on a prescription AD. St. John's Wort did enough for me. I took them faithfully during the year that the marriage was coming apart. At some point towards the end the bottle ran out and I didn't get around to replacing it right away. I had the chance to notice I was doing all right, so I let it go for several months. Then I hit a rough patch and had to go back on it again for a few weeks. Keep self-monitoring. If what you're taking is not working for you, go back to your doctor and get the prescription adjusted, or turn to the St, John's Wort.
Letting go of resentment and bitterness has been an act of will. I've had to work to magnify the good in my life and distance the frustrations related to Mr. Fantastic. His life is his. His bad choices no longer reflect on me. That is a good thing! He didn't value me the way so many other people in my life value me? That's fine -- now I have more time for the people who really care about me. And I count who they are. And I rely on them reminding me when I'm not meeting my own goals for myself.
I see you have a really short timeline in your signature line. Have you seen mine? I'm almost 2 1/2 years out from BD. A little more than a year and a half since he moved out. The divorce was final in September. I've had a LOT of time to process it all. Be gentle with yourself. This stuff is hard! Take time to feel what you feel and cry when you need to. Be angry and find some outlets for that anger. Do something new. Get to know your new situation and try to find the positives in it. Challenge yourself.
BE GRATEFUL. It will take practice. If you can only be grateful for the cool side of the pillow, then be grateful for that till you can find something bigger. But the more things you find to be grateful for, the easier it will become to find that you are happy in your core even if you don't like your circumstances. Those things can be separate until they come together.
Don't date. I started just very recently because I felt like FOR ME, it was needed in order to restore some of my better qualities, and as a form of self-care. When it doesn't make sense to put it off anymore, then you'll know you're ready to take that on too. Just remember, when you do, that there is another person involved, and you want to be able to be kind and engaged with that person, to grow from your acquaintance together (whether it's brief or long), and to be considerate of her feelings.
The biggest thing I hope you remember, though, is to be kind to yourself and don't try to put any artificial timeline on your healing. Feel what you feel, express it in healthy ways, and keep moving forward in gratitude.
Hugs, Barry, and I'm sorry you're here.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
