New or false hope?

[JulieH]

Zues, Your wife threw out a winning lotto ticket. I feel sorry for her.

Thank you for reminding me of my commitment to marriage, which is getting harder and harder. My husband mentally checked out a while ago, and physically left 6 months ago. I am surviving without him and will do even better once he has to contribute financially. I am realizing what a little role he played in our family to begin with as there is little difference with him gone. What does not help is that we did not have normal living arrangement past year so we don't have set routines or traditions to look back upon.

As you picked up upon, I am having a really hard time remembering any good times with husband. I see only the bad. What makes it especially easy to do this is that he walked away. I feel like I would need him to really be the one to make the effort now because I just don't want it bad enough at this point. I have been rejected and humiliated enough and I can no longer initiate. I am open if he is willing to actually put the effort in, but I have been patient enough. It is in his hands now. Eventually it will be too late. I feel like the worst part is over for me. All I can go is up. For me, distance and space does not make the heart grow fonder. It just makes him more and more of a ghost.

I always felt me and kids were last on his priority list. He had a lot on his plate and I believe has trouble handling things because of his sleep problems and possibly OCD. He felt he was under a lot of stress. His mother was always asking for help, his job, and us and his desire to fulfill his own hobbies and friendships. When he walked away he proved my suspicion because we were the Easiest for him to let go of. I am more troubled that I have to include kids in this. If he was just rejecting me it would be easier. I tell myself that this is what he observed and was told was ok by his mom his entire life but it is so hard for me to see how he neglects the kids. The worst thing my family and I endured was having to see my brother pull his only infant son off of life support. He would give everything to have what my husband had. My husband can't see it. To him sleeping late, proving himself in a job where he is underpaid, going out with friends was more important then putting energy into his family. For my husband to consistently neglect this gift is truly abhorrent in my eyes. I worry my sons will repeat this cycle because it is all they have seen as well.

I think in the long run, my husband will regret this. If what he says is true, he might allready. I don't know. He was probably enticed by divorced friends, feeling despair by our living situation and our inability to survive in a location that has become prohibitively expensive, frusturated by our inability to communicate and connect, and scared about some serious health issues. I get it. I can get over his anger and projection onto me because I believe I did this to him after kids were born. But it's hard for me to forgive the weakness and lack of commitment to family. It means he is capable of walking out when times get tough. What would happen down the lines if there was an even more serious crisis? An injury or illness or death or just aging? How can I ever depend on him? What's that saying, "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me"

I am very confused.