Keeping the door cracked

[beckyb]

Thanks V. All is well with blood work etc. I'm just sad about the end of my marriage and the loss of my best friend. The holidays are adding an extra laying of sadness and there is stress from waiting for next steps with lawyer. I'm terrible at waiting.

The fact that H seems unaffected by the dividing of our lives just kills me. I don't believe he has any emotional connection to me at all anymore.

I have not been eating well. I'm trying to get that back on track. I'm exercising but that could use some improvement.

I'm pretty busy most of the time and have some fun things coming up.

I'm going into survival mode for now. Eat well, sleep, exercise, pray. It's all I can really do right now.

[beckyb]

Holy cow! I assumed OW left her H moved to our state and moved in with my H. Maybe not. I was just on OW's husband FB page. There was a picture posted of them at a Christmas party this past Friday night. No wonder H seemed down in the dumps yesterday.

[gonegrl]

Wow, Becky, wouldn't that be ironic. Does her H know about them?

[beckyb]

My H said he knew. I know she has spent some time here. Maybe she told her H she was staying with her mother. I don't know. In any case it hasn't caused him to come running back to me.

[beckyb]

Knowing H is not living full time with OW and she is spending at least some time with her H makes me want to contact my H. I should not do that! Nothing has really changed.

I talk to my DB coach on Thursday. I need to maintain no contact.

[Vanilla]

Becky

Great news about bloods.

I would act as if you know nothing with regard to WH. This means WH only has himself to look to.

Just because things look to be failing with OW, may not mean they are! Although if WH is looking tired and older that's usually a signal of some sort.

Keep detaching and becoming someone only a fool would leave. Now is the moment for shifting up a gear, extreme self care and true Xmas gorgeousness.

Go girl, go.

V

[beckyb]

Spoke to DB coach today. Here are some take aways: it's ok to feel a little hopeful. It keeps my heart open. I handled the tax issue well by not dictating how it would be paid. But said I need to document the agreement. I need to communicate a little more in a friendly but detached way. I was recently given a cool airplane calendar that H would like. I'm going to give it to him this weekend.

I am still waiting for attorney to finish settlement proposal. Now I'm thinking it's getting very close to Christmas and I might wait to send it. I don't want to set the wrong tone. Plus things are difficult enough for me right now. IDK.

[gonegrl]

Becky, just want to say hello and I hope you are taking good care of yourself. I am sorry that this is all happening at Christmas time. At least you know by next Christmas this will be behind you. Hang in there, wishing you some peace tonight.

[beckyb]

This afternoon a get a text from H of a table and chairs, not meant for me. This is the 3rd time he's mistakenly texted me. Seriously. He doesn't accidentally send me texts meant for anyone but OW. WTH?

So I decided to act like it was no big deal and just be friendly. When he said "sorry, wrong person" I said I figured and it looks nice anyway. We proceeded to have a short convo about his new table and chairs.

Again I say WTH?

[beckyb]

Really bad day listening to H and friends downstairs packing up his stuff like it's no big deal.r