in house S (5)

[gs9]

Vise,
When you defend yourself you're feeding into her anger as I'm sure you've seen. It took me a little while to get it right. I spent significant time roleplaying in my head how I was going to respond the next time she got angry. That helped me prepare. The other thing I had to keep telling myself is that her anger is not rational, it's not my fault and it does not matter what I say her anger will escalate. There is no talking her down.

I would not suggest just leaving the room. When I use to just leave it would escalate my WW. She said I was walking away from the conversation and that is a "trigger" for her. I had to firmly state my boundary and then stick to it. The last couple times her anger was unacceptable I said "my part of this conversation is over" and then left the room. But first I had to tell her what my boundary is and then maintain it consistently.
I've found it's better for me, for the kids and also for her. She should not be allowed to speak to anyone this way.

Good luck! It's difficult with strong willed WW's