ILYNILWY and it's done? Gift of 1 month

[Butterc]

M, I'm going to borrow that idea about justice - it sounds less whiny than It's Not Fair, LOL

Discussion won't work in this case. He will be agreeable and I just look and feel like a stalker. I can't show that I care or even think about his schedule. I did tell him if he schedules something he has to be here. Last weekend was a fluke. I made plans after the repair but ended up being held up unexpectedly by the A/C. Not his fault. More pissed that I had to do it alone again,

[mutatio]

"More pissed that I had to do it alone again"

I know what you mean. For me it is not enduring the inconvenience that is the issue. It's the loss of teamwork, support and empathy and that is where resentment breeds. Instead of how do we get this done, it becomes I'll take care of this because it's important to me and if you want that done you better do it. This is not always declared but is often what it degrades into. If you want to be selfless and do it all, you end up camped out in the dark jungle of resentment. Just another facet of DBing. Be well

[Cristy]

Hello Butterc,

You sound like you are doing so many great things! Congrats on your new job. I must say that I am a fan of retail therapy. Did you get that handbag?

Please don't fell guilty about not including him in a meal. You mentioned that the 3 of you have been eating out regularly. Seems like it could be cake eating, even if you aren't the chef What has your DB Coach said about this?

Keep being your strong and amazing self!

Cristy
Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004

[Butterc]

Thanks, M. Words of wisdom as always.

Cristy, no bag yet...leaning towards Stella McCartney. Since he moved out 2 weeks ago, I haven't talked yet to my DB coach. I do feel he will cake eat as much as possible as I develop more boundaries in this stage.

I did stand firm on his schedule. It's strange when his coworkers ask me about the work holiday parties. First I have to deal with his closed-mouthedness, as quite a few don't know he chose to move out, and then explain I wasn't invited.

Rejection [censored].

[Butterc]

Okay, someone on the boards, I think it was SciDad suggests dating oneself. This is in a post to someone else, but I ran with that idea.

Wrote down some positive affirmations, knowing what I want. Then the Improv calls with free tickets to this Sat night's comedian. Usually I just ignore them because of caller ID. When she said it was a Canadian guy who was on MadTV , I was all in. Called some friends to see who wants to join me.

Treat myself to time spent having fun, enjoying friends and family: I wrote that not 15 minutes ago. CHECK!

On the way up the rollercoaster right now.

This was all in my response to how attached I still am. Vets out there... now that he's moved out, do I continue to be validating and upbeat with PMA? Or can I just go dim? I think I'm too invested in him still, so I should go almost dark.

[Mona52]

Hi Butterc!

He moved out. Time to take the focus away from him. Should you be upbeat and positive? Yes, but it is the WHY that you should focus on.

You should keep a high PMA because your life is so packed with good things you dont have the opportunity to be depressed.

Should H see you happy all the time? No idea, because it does not matter right now what he thinks when he sees you. It does not matter what he thinks when he is not with you either.

This is a long, slow process. It will be longer and slower the more you shine the light on him.

If you are feeling sad, that means you are not pampering yourself enough. You are not meeting your own needs enough.

If you focus on yourself and your life, you become stronger and happier. And you are already on that path! When you become stronger and happier, he cant help but notice. And what fool would leave a strong, happy woman (with a full time job, lol)

Buy the bag, see the show, spoil your D. Not for him, FOR YOU!

You are already doing so many things right. Just try to stop your thoughts when they move toward him and think of you. I know it is SOOO hard. You can do it.

[Butterc]

Mona you always say the right things! And you're right that it's hard for me to do.

To be nice, WAH put up the Christmas tree for our daughter. He did not think of this...it was suggested by a great friend. There are also gifts under the tree, most for D, and 3 for me. I'm torn. I don't want him giving me things. All the things in the world won't heal my heart or not make me feel rejected.

I really am confused both by his actions, which I am caring less about, and by my feelings which are leaning toward the p!ssed off side of me.

[tl2]

So sorry to hear about how your H is acting.

I agree that it's odd he left you gifts. Sounds like either guilt or trying to maintain a veneer of normalcy. Maybe both.

[Butterc]

Yes, he could be trying normalcy, for D's sake...And maybe cake-eating?
You know, this is just typical MLC behavior and I can't get sucked into his void.
I guess I just want to be true to myself, even if I don't know what that is now.
La la limbo land.

[mutatio]

At this stage in your relationship I would not put much weight in one positive action preformed by your husband. He will have to behave in a consistent manner over a period of time for you to consider it a change of heart. Anything short of that is window dressing for the observers. Be strong