Adventures of PP, Woofie, and the WAW (9)

[PigPen]

Thanks for all of the advice DB fam. I love you all and the support I get on here, it's still the difference between barely surviving and feeling like thriving again is just around the corner.

Today I did another dog swap with STBXW and we ended up having to do all kinds of communicating and working together. Let me start by saying ole Woofie is fine. But he wasn't when he got up to jump in the car for us to leave.

He ran to the door and immediately started whining and wincing and crying. I couldn't figure it out so I ran the basics on him, checking his toes and nails, and squeezing his joints one by one. He had literally just gotten done playing 20 minutes before so it was baffling.

Long story short by the time I got him down to the swap site he was shaking, and panting so we decided to take him to the vet in her town. Two things of note came from this.

On the drive there, he seemed to get better so I called to ask her if she still wanted to keep the appointment. Twice I called and she didn't pick up despite being right in front of me in her car. I drove up next to her and she signaled that she was on the phone. No problem.

However, it was an old trigger for me as my STBXW had a relationship with her ex fiancé that I was completely ok with when we were M. Completely ok with, other than if I called her and she didn't take my call because she was speaking with him. We would get in arguments over it because I felt like my call should always be a priority. In hindsight I now know ways to articulate that in much more mature and emotionally intelligent way than "I'm your (censored) H, when I call you need to pick it up no matter who you're talking to - especially your XF"

I didn't freak out this time and when she called me back she explained that it was a friend in tears so she couldn't switch over. I thought it was great of her to let me know that immediately since this was an issue for us in our past.

When we got to the Vet's office I said, "I want to acknowledge you for letting me know right off the bat why you didn't pick up, it immediately put me at ease, thank you." She kind of looked at me like I was an alien for speaking that way, so 1 DB point for me.

I believe the Universe and Woofie conspired together today because when we got to the Vet, the only other appointment ahead of us was an 81 year old woman and her equally old dog. They spent over 45 minutes in the exam room while STBXW and I had the waiting room to ourselves.

She asked me about the weekend, and how I was handling it and I was honest with her regarding the emotional aspects of it. It was our company Xmas party and since I'm leaving I had an equally tough and beautiful evening saying goodbye to people and also hearing from them how much my work with them has helped them in their lives. I shared it all with her, even telling her about the speech my business partner had made as well as the fact that I have over 100 postcards from my clients for me to read on the road next year, yes I had to prevent myself from crying. It was a big weekend to say the least.

All of our talking was about the future and ourselves, nothing about our M or R or the lawyers or anything.

When we were in the exam room we both talked to the Vet, Woofie got examined, the Vet agreed with my diagnosis and STBXW high fived me for figuring it out.

Of course, as soon as she diagnoses him, he stops shaking, stops leaning to one side, starts wagging his tail and is no worse for the wear. STBXW jokes with me that he just wanted us to be in the same room together so he faked the whole thing. Best $70 I've spent in weeks.

We walk him out to the car and exchange hugs and now that it's two hours later I ask if she wants to grab some lunch since we're in her town. She declines saying she didn't expect the vet trip and needs to get work done but would otherwise. No problem at all, I'm back in the car heading home.

All stars, no moons as Sotto and Rd have said. I'll take them though.

To answer your question Mutatio - my STBXW has definitely come back into my life and it feels....well, it feels like real life. It's messy, it's uncomfortable for me, it's also wonderful. I feel her presence, but no longer need it so I just enjoy the little bit of it I get and keep moving.

For a second in the vets office it felt like back to old days with both of us working together on something but I also knew that it wasn't. Six months ago that would have knocked me over, to go from that to not having her presence. Now it doesn't. It's like the parts of me I needed to fill up with her are getting fuller on their own. Now when I see her I don't want to grab her and keep her, I just enjoy the fact that she's in my life.

It feels a bit like I've separated the M I used to have and her personally. They are different now. I still love her, but when I think about being back in our M I recoil.

That's my Adventure of PP, Woofie and the WAW story for today.