Cola, for now just chalk the cook book up to one of the secrets of the universe. Your wife i am sure has a reason, who knows if that answer will be truthful or even the same as tomorow.
Thanks thats what I intend to do. My daughter loves to bake also. She can have these recipes. Quick ?, wife and I were supposed to meet this week and talk about what led to our disconnect. She texted me today about schedule.I have not responded and don't think I am going to. I think I am going to let this conversation sit for a while. See if she pursues it. Any thoughts?
Ok, I'm not a vet but I'll chime in. Just caught up on your sitch and sorry you're here buddy.
A question I have before answering. Who's idea was the convo to start with? If it was W, maybe? If it was you and she "following up" I'd leave it go for now... Hopefully somebody with more experience will be around soon.
Last edited by Uphill; 12/08/1501:28 AM.
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
When I found my wifes journal the other day, I forgot to mention some of her thoughts for everyone. Before Xmas '14, I had been having alot of anxiety and health issues. I went to the Dr the week before our trip to FL for Xmas. I was a wreck. I felt terrible and had major anxiety like never before. ( She had also become OCD with cleaning). The Dr did blood work and discovered I was very anemic. I ended up having a series of 5 IV infusions at the hospital to get my iron back up. I didnt feel that well in FL and have been losing alot of weight. ( she is 5'7, 128 to begin with, went to 105lbs). I cant eat much and feel nauseas, and very full. The Dr gave me something for anxiety but I dont take it everyday. I need to. Haha. I just dont feel good and dont know why. I took a hormone level test last week and am waiting for results from the pharmacist. She thinks they are out of balance and I am sure they are at my age 52. I really dont know what is wrong, Ive never felt like this before. Mid Life Crisis? at 50. She was 51. Right now I have a stomach ache and feel a good headache coming on. Such a joy. (she was on a Corgard for migraines for 22 years, spring of 14 she tried to quit cold turkey. We spent the night in hospital thinking she may be having heart attack. She then weened herself off the meds thru the rest of the year. Still uses Imitrex injections for Migraines, 4 times monthly plus imitrex pills for lesser head aches.
I am not sure if these were the first stages of her MLC or what was happening. I was just there to comfort and hold her thru these times. She never mentioned anything regarding amiss in marriage or relationship. Once affair began in mid Feb. ( her timeline), she says I should have told you more about anxiety. Now we are 9 months since BD.
I want to giver her journal back so she can read it. I just dont know if that is a good idea. She will probably turn it against me for reading it. Any thoughts?
First off, do not tell her you found her journal. Second of all, plan to go to anything that involves your daughter. Do not hold back on account that your W will be there. It doesn't bother your W. however, it hurts you and your daughter. Thirdly, only pay for the things that could come back and rob you.......for example, her insurance of any kind (while legally married). Otherwise, don't give her financial support to live apart from you and indulge in this A with OM. Fourthly, ultimatums do not work. However, boundaries do work, if you study the difference in boundaries and ultimatums. There is a link that explains it more. Fifth........protect yourself financially, where she has no access to your accounts, credit cards, debit cards, etc.
A woman in MLC and a wayward wife in an A, have very similar behaviors and it is often difficult to know for sure. One thing that is for sure is this is not the girl you married! She thinks differently, talks differently, and behaves differently.
I think she gave a hint in her journal as to her unhappiness. She obviously was struggling with something. By struggling, I mean she was searching for something to fill a void. It can cause a woman to become vulnerable to con artists, especially, when he pretends she's the greatest thing since candy.
One reason she appeared to be able to walk away from the home where she raised her children and had years of loving memories, is b/c she was closing that chapter in her life and starting with a brand new adventure......IMHO.
Yes, the narsistic side is usually shocking to her family and friends. It is not unusually at all, to see them cast aside lifelong friends and even family members who do not support their new life style.
What, exactly, are you doing that you call a 180?
I am glad to see you GAL. That is great! Keep it up. This may be turn into a long time before your W comes to her senses. You basically need to do what she said and don't wait on her. Enjoy your life as best you can. Leave her alone to deal with the consequences of her decisions. It may take the con artist doing a number on her, before she gets her eyes open. And the crazy part? There are no guarantees that she will move back home, even if he dumps her and takes everything she has. B/c the OM is not her main problem. He's just the visible one. Her main problem is her mindset. Right now, she sees him as her answer to a second chance at happiness and love. When she sees him for what he is......if she ever does......who knows if she'll go searching on FB for OM#2?
Sadly, this seems to be a serious outbreak in our society today. As you read the stories here, you will see how similar they all sound.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Most are in REPLAY and remain their for well - forever. They may cycle through the stages and then head straight back to the beginning to start them all over again.
We have started to get away from stages as I do believe that it gives a false sense of hope.
Concentrate on YOUR stages those are the ones that YOU can control.
