Wow, not much to say. It was a no-kid weekend so I was total degen. Poker, pool, and a few things around the house.
Boy do I love pool. Poker gets 99% of my attention these days because the pool scene is so dead, but boy, oh boy, when I start hitting those balls it is absolutely *sublime*. I need to get it going at work so I can get a pool table in my next place. That is a MUST. But playing good poker too and having some fun.
I realize I am super introverted. I thought about the odds of me meeting another woman without internet dating. Next to zero. I don't go out and do things where I could ever meet someone. I compete and train. That's all I do. I don't really 'take breaks'. My idea of a taking a break is working on a different game for a while. So if I'm burning out on poker I'll work on chess tactics or something. I'd say this isn't healthy but I've been this way my entire life and I'm very happy with this road. I just like games. The plus side is that I play good. I guess it's an out of balance life, but really no more out of balance than Tiger Woods or something. People get that he's going to be pretty extreme with his game. I'm like that, only I picked a game that pays $2 an hour. Oh well. Good thing I'm ok with all of this. After WAW I think I like being by myself. I just have no desire for anyone else's judgment and rejection. I am who I am, there is a reason I am this way, people that don't get it don't get it. I get it, and there is upside, so I will enjoy my own company.
Not much else to report. Kids tomorrow night which is really good, and then this weekend. I can't wait. It's hard to be apart from them for a week. I can't elaborate much more on that or I'll go on a rant. I'll keep it short and say that the time with my children is so precious and irreplaceable that it is criminal that the courts support this. But that's just my opinion, so I'll validate my loss, realize that anger only hurts me and dishonors what I've been given, take a deep breathe, enjoy the time with them I have, wrestle with the meaning of everything for a moment until I realize there is no answer, then go work on my game some more...
Oh, I might be divorced(?) The plan was to get the divorce before we settled on the kids/money stuff for legal reasons (just ink in "to be determined" on some parts). My L asked me to sign something a week ago, so I did and faxed it back. I think that might have been the legal paperwork that divorced me. But I'm not 100%. Funny, I signed it and didn't even think about that for a day or two. I guess at some point it stops mattering. I AM going to court on Monday for some social evaluation where they make recommendations as to parenting time. I hope everyone that plays a role in this inhuman system burns in hell, oops, breath and release, ok, that's fine, good for them, I'm sure in their minds they are doing righteous things by tearing apart families with 'care'. Anyway, that's Monday next week, so I'm not looking forward to that. But hopefully we get this crap settled so I don't have to think about it anymore. I don't think I'll ever accept some of this, but I think I accepted that I don't accept it and just let go.
I'll bounce over to your thread in a bit Sunny. Hi to all my DB friends (and enemies)!
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
