My Story.....

[Nate W]

Hello All,
Let me first start by saying that is a pretty cool place and everyone seems so helpful!

OK, I will start from the beginning...My now ex wife and I dated for a few months after we first met but she ended it because I was still pretty wild and had some growing up to do. She came back after a year and a half because I did change quite a bit and she noticed. We always had a pretty strong connection from the beginning and after that year and a half it was even stronger and everything was lovely.

We dated for a year and a half and then got engaged and then married a year and a half later in March 2008. Marriage was great and everything was beautiful. When the economy crashed in 2009 my supervisor position ended up getting eliminated and I was out of work for about 2 years. She stuck by me and we made it through and I eventually found an even better job. Everything was still pretty good.

After this one bad thing after another kept happening. My grandmother passed and my father was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. I started drinking a lot more and started to become distant to her. I broke my ankle and had to have surgery due to the drinking and being stupid. I was layed up for about 3 months and my Dad passed 6 months later. I totally shut down and emotionally abandoned her and was being quite reckless. During this time I also had multiple emotional affairs and got into porn pretty heavy.

We separated this past August after 7 1/2 years of marriage. She filed for divorce about a month after we separated and I found out she had a fling shortly after I moved out. A guy at work saw she was hurting and took advantage got what he wanted and was done with her. Me being the hard head I am have tried all the wrong things like begging, pressuring and definitely made my situation worse. I did quit drinking the first day we separated and haven't touched it since. I went to counseling for some childhood issues to finally get out the pain and anger and it worked wonders. I started going to church for the first time ever and have been going ever since.

We went and signed the divorce papers last Wednesday. When she first saw me she started crying. We talked for a little while and both cried and hugged a lot and then I had to leave. It was so bittersweet because I loved sharing that moment with her but may never see her again.

Through all of this craziness I have realized I really do love her and miss her everyday. I think she really does still love me but can't trust me that I won't go back to where I was. I will never go back to that dark place and that is with or without her.

Do I even stand a chance? I don't even know anymore.....

Any advice, pointers and help would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks for reading,
Nate