Over weekend I reflect back a lot on my S and can see now how DB would have worked if I only knew of DB approach and technique (and was here on this message board) then.. what I know now.. DB would work! But given the vortex mess W and I are in together (2 years) and now I understanding and knowing W better.. (taking into account DB approach of little changes and taking note).. I am beginning to wonder if dropping the rope on her is in my favor.
I am completely against being W's doormat but if we continue to tease apart daily financials the big things are still there and she can't cover her monthly expenses. She works and makes good salary but spends above her income. Lawyer shared that our stuff is joint in M so if I cut off financial support (aka drop the rope here) it impacts me and my kids too.
As individuals (W and I) do not want to move out, separate, divorce.. etc. But I cannot continue like this.. it simply is eating at me. GAL is absolutely necessary but I wonder if working towards a common ground together is more beneficial. For example, she shared she cannot trust me, that I will be there emotionally to support her; of course she is referring to the old me. I cannot trust her; she is still in communication with OM even though she tells me she does not want to be with him. Common ground, build trust in each other and start with the financials.. $$ is just the means to an end (my wants). My end (my wants) is happiness (not $$ in a bank account).
