Next Step?

[woundedfool]

Welcome, and take a deep, deep breath. Cadet usually chimes in with a great summary, expect that soon and heed the advice.

You mention 180's, but have you read DR or DB yet? Or have you just been perusing here?

(His Ex wife and Ex girl friend called my wife and talked to her about the physical and emotional abuse he did to them including PPO's and how he used them for money. Wife thinks he's changed).

Or she thinks she can change him

I recently began the 180 and have seen no changes.

It can take quite a bit of time. Be patient, and consistent.

On Dec. 1st I texted her because I heard thru my daughter that she is still seeing him. I fired a stern text to her and told her that our daughter was told this by someone. She contacted our daughter the next day crying and admitted it. My daughter gave her 3 options. Stop and work on the marriage, Divorce Dad, or continue doing what she has been. And in two of those options she loses her.

This is important, while your daughter may give you info about W, DO NOT ACT ON IT. Feel free to journal or write it down, but it will only make W hide things from BOTH of you. Plus your D may be gravitating toward you because of your stability, while you should be stable and be there for her, keep her removed from the "details" of what is going on.

She is 52 and sometimes acts like she is 20.Very weird.

Very well could be a MLC

D and I are planning to a vacation for xmas. We decorated the house as we always have but plan to be gone xmas thru new year.

Excellent idea

How long does a 180 take to see a response if I am to see one?

See above, but could be a day, week, month, year, or never.

Will our D giving ultimatum help break fog?

Nope, infact it will only do harm.

I am thinking of cutting off car ins., phone, and Health ins. She currently owes me a few K for bills. Any thoughts on just cutting her off from all support? Health ins she needs mainly for expensive meds for migraines.

Before I say this I want to make it clear: I am NOT suggesting you file for D, or that you make any steps toward D. But consult an family law attorney in your area for advice on how to handle this. Simply look for the advice on how to handle. It will probably cost a few $100, but would probably be worth it. And be VERY careful, the attorney may suggest beginning a D, remember, that attorney had a vested interest if you do indeed file for D. So beware of where their "heart" is

I suggest the consultation because if you arbitrarily cancel insurance and all of a sudden she gets wacked with a $5000.00 medical bill, there could be significant problems created for the both of you.

On Dec. 2nd I found her Journal, and reading it I can see her confusion in her mind about her life. She had stopped working (CPA firm) and we were empty nesters.By all accounts and her statement to daughter we had a great marriage. (She has always had very low self esteem and was molested as a child).In her journal she says I am her one love and that I love her unconditionally even with all her head problems. And I do Love her unconditionally.She began to rationalize it was the marriage that was the problem. In Dec '14 she begins to talk about the Devil and his temptations. She write a few verses from thje bible to ward off her thoughts, then succombs to the devil in her words.

While she may have wrote that way back when, she currently does not perceive things that way. Her journaling has nothing to do with anything. Keep moving forwad, and shoot me an answer to my questions.