I have been married 25 years this past March 3rd. On March 8th, my W told me the I love you not in love with you story. I found out a month later she had been having an affair that began in January '15 (former BF from 32 years ago). (His Ex wife and Ex girl friend called my wife and talked to her about the physical and emotional abuse he did to them including PPO's and how he used them for money. Wife thinks he's changed). We stayed together in the house for a while until a therapist told her to separate(mistake). It has been since July 9th, 2015. She has since moved to another town in which she lives in an attic garage of her employer at a wedding venue (ironic). Throughout the summer and fall I of course pursued, and attempted to work on marriage to no avail. She has shown no remorse or sympathy for my pain or our daughters pain(22). Nothing and she is very Narcisstic. We had a dinner out together and she said she wasn't seeing OM but she still talks to him. I didn't believe her. She said shes sorry for hurting me and D. She doesn't know when she will be back and doesn't want us to wait for her. She did't ask for divorce but I know what she meant. I said to her if she wants divorce then go file.I told her I want this marriage and I am not filing. She cried and said dont tell our daughter. She tells daughter she's scared to file. I recently began the 180 and have seen no changes. This began before Thanksgiving and my d and I planned on T-G alone but W texted our daughter to invite herself. My daughter asked and against my wishes she came. We had a good day then after 3 hours or so she excused herself saying she was going to friends for dinner.She left and both of us felt like we were her parents and she stopped for a visit then left. The next 2/3 days were tuff emotionally. I have since continued the NC and plan to continue but I almost think that it just is allowing her to walk all over us. On Dec. 1st I texted her because I heard thru my daughter that she is still seeing him. I fired a stern text to her and told her that our daughter was told this by someone. She contacted our daughter the next day crying and admitted it. My daughter gave her 3 options. Stop and work on the marriage, Divorce Dad, or continue doing what she has been. And in two of those options she loses her. Since then she has tried to be more attentive to daughter, but daughter will not have it. The two were very close for 22 years, this year W has only been in contact with daughter maybe 20 times. Very short texts, which wife thinks is conversation. Maybe seen each other 6/8 times. Seems as if she is trying to reconnect to daughter a little but in very short moments together. She is 52 and sometimes acts like she is 20.Very weird. This Dec 19th our D graduates from college and moves to another part of the state in January to begin her career. D and I are planning to a vacation for xmas. We decorated the house as we always have but plan to be gone xmas thru new year. How long does a 180 take to see a response if I am to see one? Will our D giving ultimatum help break fog? I am thinking of cutting off car ins., phone, and Health ins. She currently owes me a few K for bills. Any thoughts on just cutting her off from all support? Health ins she needs mainly for expensive meds for migraines. On Dec. 2nd I found her Journal, and reading it I can see her confusion in her mind about her life. She had stopped working (CPA firm) and we were empty nesters.By all accounts and her statement to daughter we had a great marriage. (She has always had very low self esteem and was molested as a child).In her journal she says I am her one love and that I love her unconditionally even with all her head problems. And I do Love her unconditionally.She began to rationalize it was the marriage that was the problem. In Dec '14 she begins to talk about the Devil and his temptations. She write a few verses from thje bible to ward off her thoughts, then succombs to the devil in her words. I believe this is when she began contact with OM. (via FB). The rest is history. Any advice would be appreciated!
