Back on these forums again 3

[Mona52]

Thanks Snodderly!

I have never put the MLC label on my H's current craziness. I remember how off the deep end he went last time. This time he seemed to be different. But Now that the MLC label came out, he is not acting very different than the last time. The difference is me.

Saying MLC puts a different spin on everything. Of course he is not contacting the kids. He can't see past his own broken world.

I loved your post listing the things I need to stop doing. Happily, I have already stopped most of them. I cooked for him twice, and I have a strong desire to do it more, but I have not, and I will not.

I will definitely not drop my support payment. I am actually pondering getting a lawyer to try and get more. Under $10,000 a year for 3 kids seems insane. How can you take care of 3 kids for under 10k a year?

I have a strict NC with him right now. Yes, I still check my stupid phone every hour to see if maybe... But I never text him, and when he texts me I try and wait until the next day to respond.

So I say I stopped doing most the things on your list, but if I were being truthful, I think I stopped out of anger and could have happily started all over again once my feelings of anger melted a bit. Now I have determination to really, really stop. (I'm serious this time, lol)

I remember the first rule of MLC, for me anyway. There is nothing, NOTHING I can do to speed up his process. If I try and speed it up, he will never finish cooking.

The second rule is equal to the first rule. Be patient. Like really, really, really patient.

I have to come to terms with the fact that he may not turn around before my firm date of March 21st 2017.

Now I need to forget all of that. His craziness has taken my self-esteem and literally stomped it in the trash.

I need to create some emergency goals to bring my self esteem out of the gutter.

1. My puppy thinks I am a GODDESS walking on the earth. When I come home she goes crazy. No one can feel unworthy around their puppy. So goal one, take puppy on a long walk, but talk to her when I do it. Point out a squirrel and go crazy with her. Play with her favorite toy for a minimum of 30 minutes after the walk and prepare her a scrumptious dinner.

If I do this goal, I will receive unconditional love (and kisses). I will also get some exercise and spend quality time with my puppy. I will give her love by tugging on a stinking toy for 30 minutes. I will fulfill my need to cook for my H by cooking for her.

2. My self esteem is closely tied to my weight. If I could drop 20 pounds, my world will change. I have enough money for once to go and get HEALTHY foods. So after my walk with my puppy, off to the grocery store I go to load up on fruits and veggies!

If I want to drop 20 lbs, that means I have to drop 5 lbs. If I want to drop 5lbs, that means I have to drop 2 lbs. I can drop 2 lbs safely in one week. So by Monday, I need to weigh 2 lbs less. To do this I will limit my calories to 1600 per day. I will also speed walk with the puppy for a minimum of 30 cold minutes.

3. My middle child has been trying so hard to fix everyone's problems. She wants to go to the gym bad. I will let her 'help' me lose weight by letting her 'make' me go to the gym So one hour at the gym tonight.

4. REST AND RELAXATION. I am going to binge watch Supernatural on Netflix when goals 1 - 3 are over, and continue to crochet my blanket. I will consume beer

Things that can interfere:
D 17 works until 9:30ish. She may want me to drive her places when she gets off work.
I can try and deal with this now, I will text her and let her know I need a night off.

S11 may need help with his homework.
I will get through this as fast as possible by NOT trying to fit him in, in between making dinner, washing dishes, going to the grocery store, taking D to gym, walking puppy etc. Instead I will sit down with him and finish ALL his homework before I start Supernatural.

House might need cleaned.
Last night I scrubbed down the oven and the kitchen floor and vacuumed every room. The bathroom could use a tiny bit of work, but overall, the house is sparkly enough that I can skip all attempts at chores tonight, after dinner is done and dishes are washed. NO CLEANING!

These forums...
I have to NOT read on here tonight. I need to just pamper myself and forget all reasons why I need pampering.

Run out of beer
eek! better grab some, so much for that 1600 calorie plan.

Okay, that all sounds awesome. I am excited for a Monday night (weird!)