Bright, You can't rationalize irrational behavior and you need to find a way to let it go. Yes, I do understand that you are trying to fit the pieces of the puzzle together and then everything would be all cleared up for you. I tried that too and no matter how hard you try, the pieces will not fit together because depression and their childhood issues are huge factors in what they are doing while in crisis. The best thing you can do it think about it a bit and then let it go.
I'm glad your BIL is recovering nicely from his surgery. It sounds like your h was there and helped him out a bit. Your BIL may have thought it was better that you not know about your h's visit because you may have become anxious or fretted about it. Also, you are technically separated and he didn't want to create more drama than necessary while he was recovering. At some point, he may tell you about the visit. If he does, listen to what he has to say. If he doesn't mention it, don't ask.
Your sister is absolutely right...maybe he didn't want to see anyone at this time. It takes a lot of effort and energy for depressed people to socialize and yes, put on that happy mask to convince others that they are fine.
Bright, keep the focus on you. The holidays are coming fast...what are your plans? Time to think about doing some fun GALing projects. Bright, I assure you, the answers will be revealed when you sit quietly and when you least expect them.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
