Still on the first chapter

[Enigma]

Journaling:

On Friday, my WW texted me that her childhood dog (back in home country) had passed away. I responded about an hour later that sorry to hear and was a good dog and will always be remembered. No other communication from her since then.

Well weekend was very short but good. Didn't have S2 with me, so decorated the house for Christmas (strangely... this kept my mind occupied) and accepted an invite to neighbor's house on Sunday. My former self would refrain from social gatherings and meeting other people, but it felt great to go over to their place and meet new people at the same time.

Also, WW sent a follow up email about our Christmas schedule arrangements with S2. The email is quite long so will have to take time today to decipher and respond back. Trying to be fair for what is best for S2. Man this is so hard as will be our first split Christmas.

I'm reflecting on myself lately. I can't understand why I don't feel the pain I did in the beginning? Given the situation, I feel I should still be grieving or upset as traumatizing this is.... but I don't feel that way. Are my emotions dead? My WW said I was emotionally dead to her... to which I acknowledge I was. Early on in my S, I've explored my hurt feelings, acknowledged my anger, and tried my best to learn what was driving those emotions in me. Sure I still have moments where I feel sad, but they don't last long at all. Heck.... weekends where I'm alone don't feel so bad. Even when I'm not GAL and enjoying a good movie or reading a book. I've learned to embrace the quiet time to myself.. vs the fear I had the first few weekends I had to myself.

All I can say is that time really does help heal. I know the rate of healing varies by situation and person, and sometimes we don't notice until we look back to our situations at the beginning. At times I feel like I have not changed much.. but I hear from others that know me well that they see a big change over the past 6 months.. and for the better.

At this point I'm not sure what else I can do other than keep doing what I'm doing.