I am not going to get through this whole response, but wanted to let you know that I am putting a lot of thought toward this and will answer you.
There is plenty of time
(I didn't get very far answering your last round of questions about writing the next book in my series. I am still mulling that one over, but still feel like I am between books yet - maybe a comic book to hold us over until I get a clearer view. I have an idea about who the lead character is though)
In your own time. Sometimes posters take several threads before they answer, and that means there is work going on in the subconscious. When the answer comes it's usually fully formed. Odd when that happens but it's very exciting to read.
I received historic docs the other day from the IRS but they only contained my information and not STBXW. I sent her an e-mail last night updating her about the payment I made for the state tax and the payment I made for federal tax. I also let her know that I was informed about our unfiled taxes for the last 5 years and that I am getting this back on track but need her to contact the IRS for her information.
I am contacting an accountant that was referred to me by a friend on Monday to see if I can afford to get help with this.
This may save you interest and penalties in time. ---------------
I didn't see Inside out, but it is one that I really want to see. (I loved watching all of the Disney movies with the kids)
Can I recommend that you do See it, as soon as you can. Many things will make sense to you and fall in place, as well as being an enjoyable way of learning. I love simple models and this film is just so delicious to watch.
I am wondering - do you think you are always feeling something? I mean, if there are these 5 or 6 feelings, are there mostly down times between these feelings?
The body always has a state. At all times, which means that yes there is always a feeling in play. The body state is a combination of nerve state and hormones. Some states are emotions plus physiology, there is the state of sleep, meditation (concentration) and that of pain for instance where the emotional awareness is overtaken by other physiology.
Otherwise yes there is a constant stream of emotions, most of the time our subconscious manages them and they have little impact on our conscious mind. They just happen underneath awareness, at other times like your Christmas feelings they are high enough to unsettle us. Anxiety, which is basically fear overtakes me a great deal these days, but even PTSD and panic attacks are transitory and cause little long term harm. The body is designed for this!
I think of this working like an old fashioned audio mixer with those little bars when the sliders go up and down. Sometimes the emotions (feelings) are strong and other times weak. More bars on the digital indicator, combinations give us different levels. So there is a slider for fear, a slider for joy, etc. At any time these are at a level constantly moving.
There are many analysis of this and absolutely no correct one. I do like the console concept, it appears in Inside Out too.
There are several beliefs in the way I think of feelings. (This is my analysis and is my working tool, but there are many others)
1. Emotions won't hurt they are a state and can pass 2. When emotions are turned up too high then flooding occurs which can cause destructive behaviour. Time to turn on the mute button. 3. Physiology controls state and emotions 4. Emotions and feelings are involuntary 5. Emotions and feelings should not be invalidated by self or others 6. We can change state through our physiology, meditation, prayer, drugs, taking exercise, eating and by replacement 7. Emotions and feelings need not drive behaviour 8. We can heal from the physiology up, switch off genes, by extreme self care, we can stabilise 9. Managing our systems is a hard not a soft skill and can be learned
I do think that I mix up feelings and beliefs and may allow thoughts and beliefs to change or squash feelings.
Beliefs won't and can't change or squash feelings. My understanding is that what happens is that by belief we trigger a new state. Rest assured, the great feelings you have are still experienced. The body can't be in two states at the same time.
So by believing that sadness is acceptable, we feel it, acknowledge it, express and release. Otherwise it keeps coming back until we do. A little like the alarm clock on snooze mode.
I still find myself trying to stop feeling and emotion.
We can experience all of our feelings, they all have a role in our lives. Our feelings tell us things about ourselves. We need them all.
Especially the sad feelings I get when I talk to people about myself.
Sadness is particularly important for humanity and empathy, for knowing change is needed. For releasing grief and loss. In fact sadness might just be one of the keys to healing.
I was at my parents house this weekend just stopping by to say hi.
The conversation turned toward christmas and I felt myself pulling back and welling up.
This is important it tells you something. And you can say this. " I feel very sad when I think of Christmas and this Christmas is going to be particularly difficult for me.
My problem is with the kids. I don't have anything that would remind them of christmas from the past,
You have memories to share, I recollection the that what is important to me about Christmas is the traditions. Making decorations, setting tables, trimming the tree, carols, watching the Queens speech on the tV. Eating too much. There are very few presents I remember at all but the other stuff is very vivid for me.
You are not responsible for your kids memories, but for providing an environment in which memories are created and that is little to do with gifts other than the gift of U.
I don't have any money for gifts....all of this makes me very sad and makes me question what I have done. (I know this is sadness).
You have the gift of U. Absolutely you have, sometimes the most precious things you have are the gift of self. How about a home made gift voucher for each child? For the things they love to do, things involving dad, the cinema, going camping, cooking a favourite meal. My best grandad gave hug vouchers to be cashed in at any time, he also gave chips vouchers (for chips (chunky potatoes with skins) with gravy any night at grandma and grandpas).
My parents offered to help me, but then there's my pride. I may take them up on the help (if some money from the business doesn't come in this week - very slow paying clients).
This is an area I am exploring at the moment U and we can have some very interesting discussions on it. WH US and I have a thread on fins. I get this one, it's an issue I am working on too.
I am going to continue with this tomorrow - have to get up in a couple hours.
I look forward to it. U I would like to tell you that this area of communication is about knowledge and hard skills. Once you have the tools in your kit then the problem is manageable, so onice this particular boil is lanced then it will heal easily. There are lots more sophisticated works and help in terms of books and learning. We, you, I and many wonderful posters like Jelly and Sotto are all addicts get to your knowledge. Once you know and can recognise feelings then the toolkit is started. Communications will flow, I Internet guarantee it. We will also chat about the Commsame issue with your clients, a structure can be found for that. It is about routine and ritual.
Thank you V
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I can see we are both going to grow a great deal by exploring this, so thank you.
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 12/07/1509:20 AM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
