There is so much in this post, my heading is spinning a bit, but I like it.
There is an energy in the text that I haven't read in your posts in a long time.
I feel like you are seeing yourself as you are. A gusty determined artistic man, with a drive to succeed. You are seeing your rough edges, the ways you are sabotaging and you sound ready to take a leap.
It is interesting to me that you don't fear taking risks on yourself, but instead it is the potential lack of having a cheerleader and someone to the experience with. I have never had someone have my back completely.
Everything I have ever pushed myself (and I mean pushed) has been on my own. I don't think I would recognise support and cheerleading and care, if it hit me in the face.
My feeling U, is if you can take this leap, knowing that you have your own back, whatever risks and chances you are talking about. I feel like it will be the making of you. I wonder if their is some potential freedom and independency here for you, doing exactly what U wants to do and how he wants to do it.
As for the communication it feels like this is a worthy conversation to be having. I don't know if you read PP (Pigpen's thread) but recently he has spoken about is STBX W calling him on his intimacy.
I am learning U, that to have true intimacy with another, part of it is being able to fully express yourself, the good the bad and ugly. It is what creates connection, love and attraction. Is it hard, my god yes, freaks the living daylights out of me. Intimacy for me is a request to be fully understood and accepted. When it doesn't happen it breaks my heart. I think you can only reach out to someone so many times and feel rejected because they haven't understood.
Sorry U a bit of hijack with my stuff. I guess what I am trying so badly to articulate, is that poor communication is stopping connection, deep loving connection.
I am not sure how it relates to business, but my sense is, potentially you sabotage your success by not communicating. You obviously have some sense of being good at what you do. What happens for you in this one area of your business life? Business coaching???
Don't be too hard on yourself about losing some of your business edge after BD. Zues has been talking about this on his Black and White thread.
The closest friend thing, makes me feel sad. Is it retrievable? Have you really communicated what was happening for you through that time? I am sorry for this I really am.
I do appreciate where your focus is U. You need to build a buffer of success and financial security for your children, before you can think about person pleasures and gratifications. Lets keeping talking music, and coffee and art and design as we chat, so at least some of your artistic soul can be fed a little.
I listened to some Winston Marsalis on sunday afternoon. Get your trumpet or guitar out please, start practising. I want to hear you play when I visit.
I have been listening a lot of Etta James. Driving me mad how crazy good she is.
I am so pleased to see you posting, it does my heart good.
PS tell me what you mean about me taking some chances. What should I be doing?
PPS Watch Inside Out U. One of the last scenes of Inside Out, will likely give permission to let your parents help you give your children the christmas you want. Let people love and support you lovely U!!
