Mutatio, please don't apologize. I am greatful for all opinions and responses. Often times I question myself because I don't know if I am being fair to husband or to myself.
Trust me, When I read other people's situations I am often thinking "why are they continuing to deal with this (fill in blank)? They deserve better. This is just so wrong. Especially when the spouses are unfaithful. I guess there are always 2 sides though.
I hope you continue to post your opinions.
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
I'm ok. Stressed because of court date coming and I'm set back because now I am trying to figure out husband and motives. Truth is, every day that goes on he becomes more and more of a ghost to me. His talk of reconciliation pulled me back in. But He has not initiated any contact with me. If he really thought reconciliation was possible he would have. I am not initiating any contact with him. I am not sure if I am villifying him.
I guess time will reveal all.
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
Julie, sounds like you are doing the right thing. Believe none of what he says and only 50% of what he does. His actions are not matching his words. Just keep plugging along as you have been. If he truly wants to R, them he will do what he needs to make that happen.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
He does not control me with money. (I have enough saved and earn my own and get help from family) he just does not want to contribute fairly. I feel like he is taking advantage and not fulfilling his responsibilities. He might say I am using CS to control him since I am not in dire straights or anything.
In fact, I don't feel that he has ever really tried to control me. In fact he can care less about what I do, as long as it doesn't involve extra work or money from him. I was the one always trying to get him to do stuff with me and kids and resented him sleeping in or working or doing anything other then spending time with us. I resented this and criticized and made passive aggressive comments. Is that abusive behavior?
Really I felt neglected but not abused.
I have to admit though, I am not comfortable with how he is talking to me regarding what to expect with court and I can't put my finger on it. I also agree that the hoarding of money is a red flag. A close friend thinks some type of substance abuse issue (would explain the sleeping late and through hrs worth of alarms). I really have no clue. In past he did make subtle remarks regarding asking for more visitation if I asked for child support. He stopped this though. So maybe he is doing anything because he does not feel he should have to contribute. But I do know his behavior is not acceptable.
Our conversation was not in a parking lot but in a car because no privacy in home)
Also, I made a mistake. He did not take me off car insurance. I called and checked. I thought he did because a letter was sent to my address instead of his. He did say he would have to though because he is going to have a hard time financially,
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
lol. Painter, he does but we live in very expensive part of country. I really think its as simple as he is putting himself first. He also resents me for working part time. I think Part of it is I complained about being unhappy with living situation (who wouldn't when living with family). And him taking it as me criticizing his ability as provider. Other part of it is he feels that because i worked part time I should have been better at domestic services. He doesn't understand how difficult young kids are because he never watched them. Admittedly I am not the best at cleaning and keeping things organized. That's why I worked,. Also I think he is modelling us on his family and sadly his mom enabled and never told him truth about what was really going on. I don't think we are capable of empathising with each other and there is so much anger from both of us.
I really don't t
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
I know I come across as angry and entitled as well. I spent close to a half a year doing what pho was doing (somewhat...I kept asking for relationship talks cause I did not know that was pursuing and did not GAL because I was only one with kids) but i became real domestic, kept quiet about some rude behaviors, didn't complain and none of it helped the situation. Felt like I was walking on egg shells. He kept and continues to say how angry he is and just behaved even more selfishly. Right now I can't forget how hard I tried and how he acted toward me.
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
It seems you tried it two different ways. You are not the same person due to these experiences, so try again. This time with authentic Julie, with the purpose of satisfying yourself. The kind compassionate Julie who does the right thing for herself, her children while not intentional trying to punish your husband. Your husband is responsible for his choices. All you can do is choose your path based on his choices. Be well
A triangle is very strong, and a ladder is essentially a triangle when it's opened and sitting on flat ground which provides the bottom plane.
A ladder with two weak or broken sides won't support much weight. A ladder with one weak or broken side won't support that weight either.
You have to be a strong individual first. The only marriages that can support their fair share of weight are those where both individuals are strong independently of each other.
You seem to have a lot of strength but like all of us we have broken parts as well. Work on that like mutatio said and you'll be ready for just about anything.
