It's taken me a while to get some emotional and mental space to reply. I'm continually blown away by the generosity of time and spirit within this community. SunnyB, Underdog, Maybell, Rick1963 and others who replied with such compassion and wisdom-- I am humbled and grateful.
So, while my stbx is in my home putting my D to bed (which is entertaining because she is EXHAUSTED and he is clearly trying hard to not lose it in front of me), I thought I'd make a list of things my almost-divorce have brought me:
1) I can now get dressed in my room with the light on and not worry about making the slightest noise that would wake up my stbx. 2) I can sit in the evening quietly, and watch whatever I want on TV without worrying that I am not entertaining enough for stbx. I am an introvert whose job requires her to interact in an intensive way with people ALL DAY. I need quiet time at the end of the day to recharge. 3) No need to buy him gifts! 4) Nobody snoring next to me. Soooo loudly. 5) No more being grossed out by his hygiene/habits 6) No need to wash 5 different pots and pans unless *I* decide to cook a complicated meal. 7) THREE NIGHTS OFF from bedtime routine every week! (That's up from ZERO pre-BD.) 8) One morning to sleep in every weekend! (Up from zero pre-BD.) 9) No more constant family obligations all the time. Now I only have obligations to my own family, and I can set boundaries with them. 10) Regular, predictable, and lengthy time to myself. It's funny-- stbx used to say he missed going out all the time and staying out late once we had D4. I missed having entire days to myself. I'm an introvert, and I realize now that I need time to recharge... I never, ever had that once we had a baby, and I was drowning.
