onward - 13

[Vanilla]

Dearest U

I felt it was time to return the compliment you paid on my thread.

How did you get on with the IRS issue, did you find an accountant or plead for more time? Can you get historic docs from IRS?

Just want to explore the issues of emotion and explain how I see it, identifying emotions is step one towards expressing them.

It sounds corny but have you seen the Disney children's film Inside Out? It's amazing for identifying the five key emotions and looking at the role each plays and how essential they are. The film has five but some models say six feelings. Those are Anger, Sadness, Happiness (Joy), Disgust, Fear, some models include Surprise and others Love. I love this film, gives me a warm glow in my mid section and I smile lots.

If you can see the film it is really strong, with its long and short term memory model, and different islands. I am assuming since your kids are older you might not have seen it.

Many think love is a choice.

These emotions are prime, yet others split emotions and feelings although I interchange the terms. What is clear U is that these are involuntary. You have every right to express them and own them. They are yours to experience, you can accept them and go with it. These are primary and the body can only hold one at a time. Emotional Intelligence is key and knowing these emotions and changing body state to manage them is something that can be learned.

At any age!

I understand that you are saying it's hard to express how you feel, I think I start with knowing the feeling and feeling it, then I am largely there.

I sense that U may be mixing beliefs and thoughts with feelings. On top of this are wants and needs. This is my understanding.

Feelings are primary body limbic sensations, (that which some called lizard brain reactions).

Beliefs are changeable and continuing and drive behaviour.

I think you know this and the tough part is knowing how these are experienced in your body, each of us different. Some experience anger as a burning in the stomach and blocking of the ears, others as a rush of heat, others feel cold and stiffen. It's good to know how you feel each emotion. Once this is understood then it's easier to express how you feel.

Then next step that I learned was to be very straightforward about my emotion, I feel angry about xxxxxxx. When yyyy happens I am sad.

Following this it's a question of expressing the want or need, I feel angry when xxxxxxx happens and I want yyyy to happen. So for instance I feel sad that we don't ML and I need to discuss our choices.

I am happy when you treat the kids well and I want you to do x or y with S or D.

It is the same for boundaries I think so.

Let's keep it simple and uncomplicated.

So U of these primary emotions how do you experience them?

Where in your body? What colour? Shape? Hot or cold?

Which emotion follows?

Is there a pattern?

How intense are the emotions?

What behaviours follow?

How would you describe each?

As always U there is no need to respond, you can say no thanks V, I will be ok with that.

I just want to be practical.


Hugs

V