Zero steps forward

[Pax_luv]

Thank you all for your insights and thoughts. I really appreciate it.

Vanilla, thank you for further flushing out detachment for me. This is literally the hardest concept I've ever had to experience working through. its so crazy how hard it is. I would hope that it gets easier as time goes on... But expanded time is what makes me want to hold tighter. such a vicious cycle and something I want to work on for myself.


I went to a great holiday party yesterday. It was hard to be there single (I wished I was there with h), but I made the most of it. Even got a hotel room so I wouldn't have to drive home. It was nice, I looked good, and the hotel placed a beatiful charcuterie board and bottle of wine in the room and it was waiting for me when I got back after the party. That was depressing and reminded me of how lonely I am right now... Even though I'm really not alone. Maybe this is why my patience is being tested too. I am feeling myself spinning a bit more as more time goes by.

I went on FB and saw that h was right down the street for a mutual friends bday party. More than anything I wanted to invite him over... But then was like, why?!?! He has no interest in me! None! I feel like I haven't peaked his interest at all since we've been separated. That's hard to write out here... Makes me feel a bit pathetic. Oh well... Thats why detachment is key. I need to stabilize myself and focus on creating a happy and healthy life for myself.

Thanks again for the comments and insights. We'll all push through.