Striving to keep the peace within

[mleigh4]

Hello. Just a weekend check in.

Enjoying a very nice and mellow weekend with my son. It's nice and needed after having such a busy Thanksgiving weekend. Watched S buddy for a few hours Friday night. Went on a walk this morning with my girlfriend and dog, I was even able to drag S along!

I finally got a bolt lock put on my front door. I have had nothing but a simple lock, it has bothered me for years and especially now that S and I are home alone. I have not told H, and I don't have a key for him, I don't see any reason to. However, I let S know where the keys are hidden outside in case we ever got locked out.

I put out more Christmas decorations inside and outside the house. A guy was driving by while I was outside. He stopped to tell me "looking good!" Nice to hear I assume he was talking about my decorations? Lol

I am making plans with friends for the next few weekends, to keep S and I busy.

I was debating with myself about asking H if he wants to join us to get a Christmas tree. I decided I am at a point where I would need to see effort from him. Then I was thinking, maybe he will ask me about it. I could literally hear his text message ring in my head, then all of a sudden I actually heard it on my phone. I got a wave of excitement, I very rarely hear from him on my weekends with S. Well, he was just asking me to measure S head for a helmet. I kicked myself for even responding to it. He could have waited to figure it out himself.

So I was thinking more about our relationship. When I think back, I basically feel like I dictated all the steps. I suggested we get married, how pathetic is that. We were in Cancun, he kept insisting I climb Chichen itza. I thought for sure it was because he was going to propose at the top. Did not happen. I told him later that day and laughed about it, he proposed that night. Out of guilt? I will never know.

I suggested having a child, I planned all vacations, we hung mainly with my friends. H had like no identity, it was like he just tagged along and went with the flow. It's no wonder he needs to live his own life now, I can't see a reason why he would want to come back...

Just honest thoughts going through my mind. But like I said, I feel like I should not be asking him to join or suggesting plans or ideas to him. It's time he speak up and make his own choices. If he wants to join S and I for something, he needs to say it. I have lost so much respect for him, it's something I need to see to gain some back.

I need to set up a daycare schedule for S for the 2 weeks he is out of school this month. I actually emailed H about it this morning, the first time I have ever emailed him. Lol. It was just too long to text and I didn't feel like calling him or even talking about it when I drop off S tomorrow. I wanted him to have the dates in writing and I wanted to make sure I explained it clearly. I am curious to see how he responds to the email and if it helps to plan a schedule with him.

Not much else new here. All is good and enjoying my favorite time of year. Hope you all are having a nice weekend.