Holy $hit, Pho. Losing my dad was tough (nothing compared to BD), but I can't imagine watching my kids suffer like that. I'm glad they are thriving now. No thanks to your H. Your kids are very lucky to have you. In your previous descriptions of how you deal with your D, it's quite clear you are a wonderful mother.
No HR for me. I quit university, no degree here. Even if I wanted to go back to school I certainly couldn't afford it. Financially and time-wise as well.
Hi, I hope all is well. Thanks for the kind response. I think you are doing a tremendous job at keeping your family together and your marriage alive. No matter what path you chose to follow you should have no regrets about your efforts in trying to make the marriage work. I hope you husband realizes this before its to late and he loses you. Somewhere deep inside his troubled soul is the man you fell in love with. He will have a heavy heart when he wakes up to find he has driven you away and blown up his family with selfish misguided choices.
You can write on my thread anytime. My thread may be more interesting with you posting there. I'll have a husband who doesn't talk to me either. Just keep mentioning no sex.
50 degrees and sunny, beautiful blue sky with not a cloud in sight, 3 o'clock in the afternoon, driving north on 287 approaching 78. I look out to the west and I see a beautiful hot air balloon floating in the sky.
I thought of when you said you liked them and smiled.
Thank you Mutatio. I read this last night right before I fell asleep and I didn't know how to respond. I was feeling lonely and your message made me feel like I had a friend in the world. Thank you.
I had an interesting night. I went to H's annual holiday office party. I looked good, I mingled, I talked to everyone, except for my H. He had complained during the spewfest back in Feb-May that I am socially retarded at parties. I was so good at this party. I proved him wrong. I don't think he noticed as he spent quite a bit of the party outside smoking. (he was not a smoker pre-BD) The car ride home was almost silent, we got home and he stayed up late on his laptop.
I checked in and saw your message M, and thought, someone in this world is thinking of me and caring about me. Someone thinks of me with kindness and care. I am glad I put a smile on your face Mutatio. You put one on mine and I feel asleep in peace.
Until I woke up with chest pains, but that is another story. My anxiety is so high.
Pho, glad your 180 worked at the holiday party. One thing you forgot to mention - how did it make you feel? More than trying to get you H to notice, did it feel different to mingle? Did you enjoy yourself more? The reason I'm asking is that as we make changes it's important to evaluate which ones will be permanent.
Also, please don't ever think no one cares about you in this world. I've never met you and we only interact peripherally, but your story resonates with me and I find inspiration in your posts.
Now about those chest pains/anxiety - what specifically is the trigger? Anything you can do to lesson that anxiety? I'm asking partially out of a need to find a solution for myself. Yesterday was a mess and I think my body tried to shut down a couple times during anxiety attacks on the couch with my family....
Me-38 W-38; T-15 M-12; S10 and S6 BD - July 2016; EA confirmed; confronted Aug 2015 EA dissolved 12/2016
Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option - Maya Angelou
Sci Dad, since BD and the spewfest about my social skills- I am an introvert, but I can talk to people btw- I have gone to at least 10-12 parties and I have done better than usual. I do feel better about myself. I am losing my "uncomfortable" feeling with mingling, still don't really like it, would much prefer small groups or staying home, but I am feeling better about myself in social situations. So it is a good thing and something I will keep up regardless of H.
One thing I realized is that I used to always feel like I had nothing interesting to say, and then I'd say very little. But now I realize that most people's conversation is not all that interesting, they are just looking to talk and be friendly, and asking people about their kids, their jobs, where do they live, just the basic things seems to get them talking and breaks the ice. A glass of wine or two helps as well! I also noticed that H's skills are not so great, and if I keep away from him at parties I do much better, how ironic is that? I am not saying that as a criticism of him, just that he isn't really someone who should be correcting someone else's skills.
I am off to church now. Having chest pains again.
My H and D got into it this morning, she is 100% wrong but she is 14 and H seems to take her on as though its a war instead of trying to find out what is going on with his relationship with his D. It is awful. Really, really awful.
