Zero steps forward

[Pax_luv]

Feeling a little out of sorts today-
I just started seeing a new IC after quitting my old IC- h had been seeing old IC before BD and started seeing her again recently.... And she kept slipping with some biases and sharing info that I did not share with her. I felt it best to move on because I didn't feel like I was getting genuine guidance.

This new IC wants to help me with whatever way I decide, especially when it comes to my relationships. If I want to hold out hope and work on the m, she'll help with that. If I want to move on completely, she'll help with that too. I shared with her about how I am following DB which shadows MWDs training with solutions focused brief therapy... The IC is familiar with sfbt, but she does not agree with my actions while following the LRT. She thinks I need to talk with h and really bring things to the surface, but I just don't know!!!! This could make things worse! As any well-meaning therapist would agree, it's important to talk about issues.... But I know H isn't ready or willing to go there at all.

Which brings me to my next issue- h and I are amicable and kind every time we see each other (about 1 minute each week for dog swap). I have been busting my booty galing and becoming a more compassionate and free spirited person and yet he consumes so much of me still. I'm still having a really hard time detaching. Like most people here I'm so afraid of his next actions and maybe it's because we are cordial to eachother that I feel like maybe something is still there? Or maybe nothing is there at all because there is no fiery passion which allows him to be pleasant towards me. I don't know, but I do know that I'm having a hard time of letting go out of fear. Fear that once I let go, it's gone for good.