You're a really strong woman. I really struggled with my work after BD and I have been working for most of my married life.
Isn't it strange how we LBS feel guilty for the darnest things? I guess it's because we still feel very committed to our (x) spouses.
After my D, I would feel very guilty for going out socially, even though the X had abandoned me and kid for the TP and her family. I felt like I was the one who was being unfaithful!
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
I have read about where you offered to your H to remove your Wedding rings. That was a very powerful moment. And him refusing to remove them was interesting. I still wear my ring, I have to take it of for work for safety but everyday I put it back on.
Some days I question why, then I just put it on anyway. In the past I used to go days with out putting it back on. I was just lazy and was not an indication of not wanting to be in MR. I can see now how that was disrespectful.
If I was going to remove my ring, they way you asked your H, the man that put it on your finger to remove it seems like a good way to do it.
For me I will keep it on.
You are doing great.
Me late 30's W mid 30's T 15, M 10 S4, S7 ILYBNILWY June 2015 In house S July 2015 W rings off Oct 2015 My ring off Feb 2015 Separate houses June 2016
Grlonfr, I liked the way you put that...guilt because we do care so deeply...Are you able to let go of the guilt along with the rope? Peace of mind sounds like a good trade.
Vice, it didn't feel very empowering at the time, but looking back I feel in all my chaos, I'm still standing strong in my convictions.
Why does every day have to bring a challenge? Whether it's small or not, it keeps me focused on the here and now, as I realize teeny tiny baby box steps ( back and forth and sometimes in a square)
Buttercup
Me 50 H 51 M 17 T 20 D16 H EA Feb 2014 BD Sept 2015 H moved out Nov 2015 W Filed D papers Mar 2016
Finally got a chance to catch up on your situation. You are being so strong and brave right now. I am in awe of your spirit. Going back to work full time after working as a SAHM is a huge adjustment. The distraction is wonderful but making that shift in the midst of a separation is very difficult. I was so tapped out mentally and physically. It took me a good 3 months to adjust then I had a fall and dealt with being out for 6 weeks and am still not back 100% -- but I digress...
Butterc --- give yourself a big high five and an enormous hug for all that you have accomplished. Your daughter will remember that you did not let this period of turmoil destroy you. She will see that while you don't have the answers you will not be idle in standing up for your loved ones and for yourself. She will see that there is a difference between choosing your battles and being taken for granted.
As for the rings --- I took mine off a few months ago because I didn't want to answer questions about my husband. I am still married in my heart but it became easier to carry on without the world knowing I am living in the land of in between. You'll know when or if you need to take them off. Hang in there.
M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters BD: 5/14 Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW D Final 9/17
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou
Thanks, Gwen, you and the other people on this board make a downhearted girl feel good! I continually am blown by the grace and wisdom my daughter shows. Yeah, she had a great teacher, hee hee.
Buttercup
Me 50 H 51 M 17 T 20 D16 H EA Feb 2014 BD Sept 2015 H moved out Nov 2015 W Filed D papers Mar 2016
SAHM for 20 years who handles the entire household gets wonderful full-time job and the A** who promised to be there for me decides to leave. So today, he schedules a repair in the house. OK, said he was considerate because it wasn't early in the morning. Repair guys here, longer than expected b/c replacement needed instead of repair. And I have to check with which credit card to use?
Then FOR THE 5TH time since April, the A/C stops. Guess what? Now I have to wait around for this repair. And so much for GAL, I had to cancel on this afternoon with friends.
I am so scheduling the next maintenance on his rare day off...
Buttercup
Me 50 H 51 M 17 T 20 D16 H EA Feb 2014 BD Sept 2015 H moved out Nov 2015 W Filed D papers Mar 2016
Glad you were able to meet up with your friends. It doesn't matter what it is, if you enjoyed it then it was worth doing.
If he schedules something in the future without talking to you first and just "assumes" you will be there maybe you should keep your plans with friends instead.
If the time doesn't work for you tell him he can reschedule it or be there himself.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
WAH and I share a calendar so that I know when he can take D16 to bus. He placed a "private event" for the upcoming weekend. Please tell me how not to obsess over this. Anything at all... it's so unfair and makes me sick to my stomach
Buttercup
Me 50 H 51 M 17 T 20 D16 H EA Feb 2014 BD Sept 2015 H moved out Nov 2015 W Filed D papers Mar 2016
It must be frustrating to have to coordinate schedules with a self centered spouse. I gave up on justice a while ago. Will raising the issue and discussing it help?
