dday, gaining traction

[dday]

Not doing as good as I had hoped. Walked in and W is already there, talking to a guy that has always wanted her with her son. Never have trusted him. So maybe that set the mood? W comments to me are mostly kids stuff. Then she tells me that she is going Christmas shopping with her mom, and is going to skip S8 game this afternoon. S8 convinced her to stay. Then she talks about pics for christmas cards with her mom. She has immersed herself and the boys in her parents this holiday season. Filling the gap that removing me has left.

Feeling angrier, more bummed. W doesn't even see what she is doing, never takes the time to be alone. Need to find a better way to cope. Still see her out spending money (she bought something from someone at the game), and acting like this is normal.

Her actions DO still affect my mood, but less than it used to be. Still way more than I want. I don't hate her. I hate what she has done. I don't like her right now, and I am being cold to her, not intentional, but I don't want to be around her. Can't believe this is my W. Not sure what I see in her right now. Having trouble with PMA today. Gonna see her again in an hour...