Time to make changes

[joss]

I've been AWOL for a couple of months. I've not been in a good place, actually. But I think I need to get back on track.

UPDATES
H and I are still separated (4 months now) and we rarely speak, other that about the kids.I think that is more down to me. I have shut him out. I have been so hurt that I have completely pushed him away from me.This obviously doesn't help us move forward at all. I get the feeling that I am going about things in the completely wrong way after reading reading CaliGuy's thread from the beginning.

I would like some advice on how to re-open communication with him. He is giving me the impression that he wants to remain friends (he asks me to go to his new house for tea with the kids, and he is always offering his help with my business), but knowing he has OW has always put me completely off that (cake eating).

A few weeks ago he moved into a nearby apartment (300m away from our home) which has worked out very well.The children can go to his house whenever they like (he has given me times for them to go round).He has asked me a couple of times to come over with the children to eat with him but I have always declined. I get too hurt in his company, and being in his new place I don't think I:d be comfortable over there. I don't know if this is a good move or not (not being able to go over to eat with them), or whether I am pushing him further and further away from me??? Can anyone help me with this?

In an interaction with him a couple of weeks ago he mentioned to me that I don't listen to him, and that I always think I 'know' the answer to everything. I think he was alluding to his affair, that I think I know the reason for it. He is correct. He has told me all along that she wasn't 'the one', that he didn't love her and that she was just a symptom of his problems. But I didn't believe him. I was unable to listen. It is difficult to know how much to believe.

I need to know if I should ask him directly about this (me not listening): to ask him to expand on it to find out what he means in more depth? I am quite happy to email him to ask him (the least emotional route to finding out). Or should I wait to see him and ask him in person?

Last week I noticed he had joined an online dating site (I found out as he accidentally put the names and times of 2 of his dates for last Sunday in our 'joint' gmail calendar (containing details of our commitments with the kids). I immediately deleted his calendar from mine as I don't want to know the ins and outs of his dating regime. Because I don't talk/communicate with him at all these days he is searching for a connection in another (again). I know he doesn't' want to get divorced and he has told me he'd like to make things work with me (but he doesnt' know how) but it is obvious that I am not helping him come to me.

I am just about to start DB and have ordered DR to help me along, but some concrete advice would be really helpful at this time.

Thank you in advance. Joss