Mahhty, that's just it. I don't really know. Sure, there are plenty of things that sound kind of interesting, but most would take years and years of schooling and at this point I just don't have it in me. Plus schools are so expensive here. Lastly, I don't want to be away from my D more than I absolute have to. My H was supposed to conquer the world and I would take care of the kids. I guess I just really wanted to focus and be a dedicated mom, cause I'm not really 100% happy with my own upbringing.
Hi Gmum, I have just about caught up with your threads.
You have no idea how much you inspire me. You have a little kid, you are not in your home country, you're without a job. But do you know how cheerful your posts sound? I feel so ashamed. 😵
You sound like a determined young woman and I am sure you'll be able to find a job you like.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
Went for a run. Got email from H asking me to at least acknowledge that I had received his email and said he didn't know what was going on etc. So I just responded back saying I got it thanks and that I'm working on figuring out a budget.
I also posted a few baby things online that I want to sell. Don't have much experience with that, so I may have set the price too high.
Oh, and I tried to get an annoying call out of the way, but I have to call back on Monday. At least I know where to call now. This is one of those things that I'm so good at procrastinating, so I'm kinda glad I got the ball rolling a little.
Think I'm gonna drop the rope. He's not coming back.
He just called, I felt kinda ambushed but we talked. I told him I'm scared of him, that he lashes out at me. I doubt he even knows he doing it and of course he denied it. I told him I couldn't be friends with him as long as that was going on. He said I instill the same feelings in him and that we should communicate through a third party for the time being. He means a mutual friend, but that's the last thing I would agree to.
He has been upset with me, because he feels I deliberately keep him in the dark etc. I broke down and tried to tell him about all the fear I have for the future - where I'm going to live, what I will do for money etc. I don't even know what country I will live in. It gives me so much anxiety.
Gmum, what part of the country are you in? Are there resources that could help you, maybe people from your home country or a church that could give you support? I know where I am there are so many supportive women's groups that would at the very least provide you with friendship, job ideas, etc. Have you tried a local MOPS group- moms of preschoolers? Or a Moms club? Just to get out and meet other mothers. Maybe a single moms meetup group?
At this point, he's going to be very angry and you're going to be very scared. Later on the roles may be reversed.
My X and I were like that. Mindreading here but he is prob feeling the guilt and you telling your legitimate concerns and fears to him will only make him lash out more.
Do you have a L and can you get the L to help you sort things out? Do you talk to your family often?
If he's affecting you so much, you may want to limit interactions until you can both communicate civilly? Or keep it to text and email?
The X lashed out at me in the beginning for 2 momths until I stopped communicating with him. To be fair to him, there were valid criticisms. Just that the way he put them acrosd were so vitriolic.
Stay strong. You have been doing fine. There will be days when you feel like everything is not ok. It's normal. But you can and will get by, one day at a time.
Last edited by Grlonfr; 12/06/1511:44 PM.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
(((Gmum)))) You are doing so well. I know this is so hard. Sometimes being overwhelmed is the worst possible thing that can happen to us. Because that feeling controls all other feelings and we are unable to see a way forward. I promise this will pass. There is a way forward. Tiny baby steps will move you forward. Just give us a few goals. Or one goal. No more 'I don't know'. You are not COMMITTING to the goal, just naming one for experimentation. Just name a goal and we will help you take a few easy baby steps toward it. If, at any time, it is too much, you can change it to a different goal.
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
Ok, so after the phone call on Sunday, I spoke to one of our mutual friends. He said he had also talked to H that day, as he has intermittently throughout these past few months, and said that that was the worst my H had sounded. Basically he had just ranted for 20 minutes about being stressed out about money etc. While I'm on the phone with my friend, H calls again. I don't pick up. Later I get a text from H where he apologizes and said he didn't realize the effect it was having on me. Now he's all Mr Sensitive. He has asked me to translate a few more things and wanted me to fix the formatting of a document I translated a while back. When I told him I always have problems with that, he was super nice. Woke up this morning to an email where he asked me very nicely to translate a quick paragraph asap. So I did. With a whiny kid on my lap.
Also, I resolved this annoying insurance issue. Finally got a call back. H actually has to deal with it, cause the insurance is in his name, but all he has to do now is sign something and email it back. There is a slight chance we might get reimbursed for some stuff now, so happy to have dealt with that. The old me would have made him do it, I HATE making those kinds of phone calls.
Aaaand I ordered a really nice cashmere sweater for him for Christmas. I have a few small things in mind too. I want us to have a nice "real" Christmas. And it's a little bit of an FU because I can't imagine what he got me from D.
Oh, and two nights ago he sent me a text saying he'd thought a lot about everything I said and he hoped I was having a good day.
Yesterday he called and wanted to let me know that he does not want us to move back to Europe, but if we do he is planning on changing his role in his company and he would be there around a week a month. Had to explain that concerns with moving there is not that I will be flying solo, I already am flying solo when it comes to D, but that I simply don't want to live there and that I won't be able to raise D the way I intended etc.
I'm thinking of a few hours away from the city I currently live in next year. Just got to get my $h!t together first. When we were visiting friends over thanksgiving I realized how nice it is to just walk outside and get into a car and not running around after public transportation. The cost of living would go down to. AND RUNNING OUTSIDE IN NATURE!!! Very different than breathing in smog and dodging people. That alone would make it worth the move.
