You can keep the hope things may work out and still move forward with your life. Something my coach asks me almost every time we talk is "what are you doing for John?" and asks about the things I'm improving about myself. He wants me to find those activities that puts a spring in my step and makes me happy so that when I do interact with W, no matter what shes doing, I'm happy with myself. This is the confusion that sets in with the WAW wondering "why is he so happy?" and they get curious. Its good your finding activities that you enjoy and spending time with your kids. So, step that up a notch and
That fear of "if they think I move on then they will move on" is one many LBS's tell ourselves from the beginning of BD. While there might be a tiny bit of truth to it, allowing that fear to be in our mind does more harm than good. Being happy with ourselves and enjoying life doesn't mean we move on, even if the WAS wants to use that as an excuse. Being miserable and holding onto the M keeps us from the growth we could have if we focused our minds on other things. The only way I can see the WAW really believing we are done and given us is if we start a new relationship with someone else, are cold to them and never interact, or just fully cut them out of our lives and go completely dark.
No one is ever saying give up or lose hope, just to find what really makes you happy and do it. If your doing that then great, keep it up. I know that loss of intimacy is hard, I miss it also. But when I really evaluate my M I had to ask myself if I even had it for a long time. I didn't. Me and my W communicate better right now than we have in years.
Maybe your situation was different but when BD happens us LBS's tend to glorify the M we had before in our minds. We focus on the good points where there was intimacy but forget and ignore all of the bad points. Its the opposite of what the WAW does, they only see the bad and ignore the good.
That or we focus on what the M could be in the future which has no grounds in reality. Its possible we could have a healthy relationship with them but its also possible we never would.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
