Pink's journey - living with pain

[Sotto]

Hi Pink, just stopping by to say good morning to you! I had a late night after a busy week, so I'm having a slow start in bed with the ipad!

I think what you are doing here is 'breaking cycles.' A couple of times now, you have posted on the forum, and then stopped posting as your XH has been reaching out more. Then he doesn't come through for you and you realise again how helpful the support and community here is.

You recently mentioned that wise comment by Wonka - that your XH is a 'kitty MLCer.' He is off exploring the big MLC field right behind your house. He is scared and gets himself into many scrapes. He is also rebelling and wanting to push against the boundaries of marriage and family that he once found so confining. But another part of him wants these and he rushes out of the scary field back into the house to check you are all still there. But then the field calls to him again.

He is so confused at the moment, and the problem for you is that the scrapes he gets into in the field impact on your life and cause pain to you. And this is why your boundaries are important, particularly now soon after your D - because I think your XH will carry on as he is for now and it will be you that needs to set some parameters on your contact with him for your own peace of mind.

I think you have done so well with all financial and practical aspects of your D. Mostly these are all sorted now and the rest of his stuff can be gone if you want. You can change the locks on your house etc if you want. However, you are still addressing the emotional aspects of this and your own need to feel close to him. I think more separateness may be needed for now - otherwise I think you risk cycling again and again. Ending up in bed together one more time, not really being separate, still somewhat enmeshed, TauC still in the mix somewhere - he confused, you confused, she confused. Triangulation...and on we go..

So, for now I would say - follow some advice I saw posted by AJM in the MLC area of the forum - live a good life, be a good mother, and be a good woman. And in respect of XH - if you apply the principle of - I love you, but I love ME more - you won't go too far wrong.

Take care Sweetie xx