My friend your strategy doesn't change because of H's exclamation.
Let time tell if he is sincere, genuine and committed to his words. Actions will tell you all you need to know.
Just as you are learning to make change and grow so is H. Is this him changing and growing, maybe. Is he earnest and honest, or even aware. Who knows at this point.
I am not surprised to hear this exclamation and apparent move towards R. If money is a place of value, meaning and motivation for him, then potentially it was always going to be the place where he felt the most vulnerable and needed to take action. Whether his intentions are honorable or not, is not for you to figure out right now.
So H has changed the playing field slightly to the right. So what.
So you adapt what you feel is appropriate, but you maintain your overall strategy. You and children are protected. You look after yourself and your emotional well being. You keep DBing. And H gets to show you through his actions just exactly what he is prepared to do, to show you that investing in a new M with him is what you want.
Right now my friend, the fear, panic and uncertainty has kicked in, in response to H, unexpected exclamations. This is pure survival response from your brain (Fight, Flight or Freeze). Up till now your brain and body has been engaged in what it perceived as warfare, you had arsenal set up to protect yourself from the current stress of H walking away and also for the outcome of D. Your brain and feelings are realigning with this new information. Perceived attack - R an option. Brain and feelings in overload. It's a false attack JulieH. Emotions just need to come back down to earth and reason needs to reign once again.
Once you have some time to filter the information and emotion, you will realise that you have gotten exactly what you asked for, an opportunity to figure out - what is it that I want for my life and my children. This is the ultimate question for a DBer. What we all want in the end is the opportunity to look in the mirror and say "F**k I am awesome, what a life I have".
That life may well include H or it may not.
We are all here for you JulieH.
Thank you for care and support of me in recent posts.
