My addiction counselor mentioned that if she's not seeing the OM, and has SOME signs that she wants to work on the M, that me showing a little affection, lettign her know I care/love her would be a good idea. Deathly afraid of telling her that, as I want the 'definitive' answer of YES, I want to work on this M... but that might not come for weeks, or months.
After experiencing it, and then reading these forums for years, I have more doubts toward the WW that makes too quick changes. I mean, you don't stop loving one man today...and start loving another man tomorrow. There have been very few and far between stories where a WW says the A has ended and she immediately start showing signs that she is ready to put her energy into working on the MR. It takes her time to deal with her own issues.
I don't think you should "tell" her what your counselor told you. If your W is authentic in ending it with OM, it is more important that she agrees to a transparency plan. That is priority on the agenda. If she does not show a bad attitude toward you, and if she is receptive....then you can show non-sexual touches, emotional support, acts of service, and little "thinking of you tokens" (whatever her LL might be). I agree with you that she does not need to be smothered! She will need support......but please start out with this show of love deposits very slowly, and lightly. She's like the skittish squirrel now, (if she's serious about ending the A).
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
