I am figuring out some dynamics. H always does worse emotionally after we see his parents. It is clicking with me now. He always blamed it on me, said because I complained about them, or confronted an issue with them, etc, but in the last year I have kept my mouth shut and been easy going. Yet he still is so emotionally intense for a week or two after we see them. He needs to work this out with his IC, I can't of course bring it up, but I see what is happening and there is NOTHING I can do about it.
It will be interesting when he is gone for 6 months and his parents want to visit the kids. I will not deny them access to their grandchildren, but I will enforce my boundaries and without H here to triangulate things I think it might be actually better for them to visit when he is not here. Will cross that bridge when we come to it.
After every visit- no I don't think it, I know it- H and the IL's have a "debrief" session about my behavior, and I believe that is what sets H off. So even though I am "out of it" and not participating in any conflicts or making any complaints, I am still "in it" because of this weird dynamic.
My biggest concern right now is if we do divorce, this whole dynamic is going to intensify to the point where it is going to be an even more unhealthy situation than it already is and I worry for my children. OK, not going there, I don't know the future.
